Why Does My Boyfriend Get Insecure Every Time I Turn Down making love?

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2 years ago
Topics: Relationship

Q: I've been dating this guy for about six months, and for the most part, things have been good, but there are occasionally times when I'm less satisfied. I just started graduate school in September and moved to a new state, so I'm going through some major life changes and still adjusting. The conversations where we’re having trouble are exclusively about needs. I don't always want to have to make love when he does, and he assumes something is wrong when this happens. It’s frustrating, and it makes me feel bad about not wanting to have to make love. These instances usually lead to long conversations about whether or not I want to be with him. The only time he seems concerned about our relationship is when my need for sex doesn’t align with his, and that makes me feel like making love is the center of it all for him.

He's insisted that regular, healthy making love is part of a good relationship. I know it is, but I should also be able to express when I am and am not in the mood without causing an issue.

Additionally, I’ve always needed time alone to myself as I'm pretty introverted. When I've said as much to him, he assumes I don't want to see him, or that I need space because of him. That isn’t the case at all — I need space from everyone so I can decompress, and I should be able to ask for this, too, without feeling guilty. During our last big conversation, I brought up the idea of taking a moment to reflect on the things I need (essentially taking a small break) and he hated that. I thought I was being mature. I got out of a relationship two months before we started seriously dating, so maybe I needed more time in between to be by myself.

Why Does My Boyfriend Get Insecure Every Time I Turn Down making love?

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