I was once asked by my teacher in primary school, who I loved most between my father and my mother. I didn't have an answer then. I could not tell.
As I look back now, I'm not sure I would feel comfortable today, if someone were to ask me such a question.
I remember that half of the class told the teacher it was their mother they loved most, they went on to explain why they felt so, listing cooking for them, bathing them, washing their clothes, etc, as part of
why they loved their mother more.
I remember one boy saying that his father was never at home, and whenever he came back, he would just go into his room and sleep.
Maybe I thought too much for my age then, maybe I understood too much, but as a child, I could see the sacrifices my father made, they didn't seem loud but they made a great impact, so much impact that I could feel today.
The place of the mother, can't be taken away.
Pregnancy.
Labour.
The pains that come with childbirth.
The general maintenance and care of the household, etc.
Mothers are extraordinary
My father didn't get past class four, as it was called in those days, an equivalent of today's Secondary School Three ( SS3).
His father, my grandfather, was a trader, he did business with the British on the coast of Calabar, he was one of the first indigenous people to trade with them.
He dealt in Ceramics and Silverware.
It was in doing business with the white man that he learnt how to speak a little disjointed English, that was why he vowed that he would make sure my father was well educated.
Unfortunately, shortly after, my grandfather died, leaving my father at the mercy of his uncles, who cared less about his welfare, obviously because they too had their responsibilities.
My father managed to attend the village school, paying his fees from the proceeds of palm oil, gotten from endless farming and long walks to and fro faraway villages to sell them.
Who would think that someone like that, who had been through a lot to get to where he should enjoy his life, still sacrifice all he has to make sure his family are comfortable.
In the nineties, the cost of a Volkswagen Beetle car was sold for a thousand three hundred naira.
My father could have joined the ranks of car owners at the time, but that was the money he used in paying our fees, and in a private school.
He chose our education, future and wellbeing over luxury. It took him another ten years to buy himself a car, that was after we convinced him as his children, of the need for him to have a car.
It was part of his savings for the five years he worked at the local council, that he also gave my mother some money to start the Palm oil business since he already knew a thing about it.
You see, as I grew up, being the first of three children, I started seeing my father in a different light,those nights he would come back and not eat, and the days he would just take a spoon and ask us to come and carry the plates.
I would wonder how he knew that we hadn't eaten to our satisfaction, how he knew to get us Christmas clothes before December.
I always saw my mother wear new clothes every Sunday to church and during women meetings in our community, but my father had few clothes, as I write this, I can remember what they looked like, he would only wear a hat to look different on some days.
I can remember him many times looking at us and shaking his head as we left for school in our oversized uniforms, sewn to last us a lifetime if possible, he never complained, his calm personality brought him lots of admiration from people.
All of these thoughts and memories came to my head when yesterday at a traditional marriage while reading a notebook I saw on the ground of the secondary school it held, I saw a student write ten reasons he loved his mother more than his father, one reason was that his father was barely at home.
I laughed because I could count the number of times I saw my father at home.
But today I understand better, I know that he was always out there so that we, his children, and can
have food on our table and a roof over our head, he was out there, so we can be here, hale and hearty.
Shout out to all father's in the world. I wish them all a happy new month
Lead image source
You are a fantastic person for realizing what your father did to provide for you!