Something Pushing Me To Go

I have been dealing with so much pressure. I really don't know the reason or I was just in denial.

Life has been cruel for me. Aside from the fact that I was born with cleft lip and cleft palate, I grew up having a broken family.

As years passed, I keep on fighting. Physically fit and healthy, but drained emotionally and mentally.

When the COVID-19 pandemic came along, I never thought life will be doomed. I cannot imagine how I fought every day, how I force myself to live.

EVERYTHING WAS UNPREDICTED.

But one day, I was answering my online examination in Business Law subject. I really studied hard the night prior to the examination because my scholarship will be lost if I failed that course. And after a 2-hour back-breaking test, I got the result. I WAS FAILED.

I cried, I wept hardly. I could never imagine how was my face that time as I stayed the whole night in my darkroom, questioning my worth, stumping my capabilities.

But, I realized that IT WAS NOT THE END.

For almost 3 years in college, I have learned a lot. Why would I give up if I can correct my study habit? Why would I question my worth if I can do better the next time around?

FOR LIVING IN THIS WORLD FOR MORE THAN 20 YEARS, I KNOW I HAVE FOUGHT. I KNOW THAT THOSE CHALLENGES MADE ME STRONGER, MADE ME WHO I AM TO DO BETTER.

And from that, something pushed me to go. Not to stop, but to continue what I have started and hold on to my dreams with a beam.