Should A Man Cry?

Do you still remember when were your first cry? Is it when you were born? You cried so loud that you expected everyone to hear your voice. Or rather, you want to announce that finally I’m out of my mother’s womb. That cry really brought a joyous moment to the parents. However, if you are not crying, that’s really a worry for the doctor and the parents.

This is not a popular topic for men. Rather, it should be a secret. Because for a man to cry, it could be a shameful or disgraceful action. No men want to do this in front of anybody, including their siblings.

Before we jump into conclusions, I want to talk about the background of a man. I believe that we are brought up from a different culture.  A man should rise up to different positions and thinking. As far as I’m concerned, I come from a very typical Chinese family. There is an old Chinese Proverbs saying “man bleeds but not tears”. It sounds stupid if you literally translate it. The actual meaning of it is that men shall be able to take all the hardships despite of pain without tears.

Since I was a child, we were taught and indoctrinated that man should not cry. Men always tag as heroes and tough person. There is a gender role being said, only girl can cry not boy. In fact, it is women’s patent to cry.  If we men need to cry, we will hide somewhere to cry. We don’t want anyone to laugh at us or punish us for the action. Thus, as we grow up, that kind of ideology had stuck to our mind. When we face any hardship or emotional problem, we will hold fast to it. Otherwise, someone will label us as emo guy. Girls don’t like emo guys anyway.

When my parent passed away. I didn’t cry. I do feel sad, but I didn’t cry. I just can’t squeeze out the tears, though I wish I could cry. Does this mean I’m disrespect to my parents? Sometimes I think back, I felt so bad. Maybe I still hold on to the tradition. If you watch movies or attend Chinese funeral service, the sibling will cry the most. That cry is to show other people how much they love the decease. I wonder if my son will be like me when I die? But I won’t blame him for not crying at the service because he should know where I am going.

In everything, there must be a reason. I think there are many types of crying patents. These are the few that I know.

1.    Cry for joy

When I was an adult, my first tear happened when I come to know Jesus Christ. He gave me the peace in my heart and all of a sudden, I felt so much joy and the tears just flow out of me naturally. All my burdens seem to have been lifted up. I felt so light on my shoulder. It’s hard to explain what I experienced then. But that’s the work of the Spirit of God.

2.    Cry for separation

It was devastated when you heard someone very close to you died suddenly. Lately, I attended a wake service for my friend. While in the service, I thought about our friendship and the service he gave to the church; suddenly my tear just flow. I can’t hold it. He had just gone very suddenly. Life is just unpredictable. But I know he went to a better place.

3.    Cry for task accomplishment

What is the ambition of your life? Everyone has their own desire; no one is right or wrong. Since I was raised up from typical Chinese family, I have the responsibility to sustain my next generation. I have 2 kids who have been my joy and life when they are obedient to us. Parents should understand what I mean. But I’m glad that as they grow up, they have passed through all the tests of life. We gave them the best education that my wife and I would never have a chance to do. Lately, my daughter just finished her convo. I felt so much relief that my mission was accomplished. I’m touched when she was on stage receiving her scroll, what an honor to the family. I don’t have to cry loudly at this event, but bottom of my heart there is a river of joy and tears flowing.

 4.    Cry for suffering

 I don’t like to see people suffer. Our world is getting a lot of destruction because of human pride and ego. Climate change causes natural disasters; virus causes lockdown and keep social distance, and war causes many homes to be destroyed and people run for their lives. Are we not crying when we see all this news? Or because it is not on your own home land? I am saddening and cried when I read all these bad news. Sometimes I’m thinking if I’m the Bill Gates or Elon Musk billionaire, I can solve the problem. This is just an unrealistic assumption. Because money cannot solve the root cause problem, which is human.

Should a man cry? We do cry on certain occasions, but we don’t admit it. A crying man will not lose his identity, neither a sign of weakness in him. It is just a natural human response to a certain occasion. I believe a crying man is a man full of love and compassion. Do you know Jesus Christ also cry? Jesus, being God in human form, cried just as other people. He wept for Jerusalem and His friend Lazarus.

Man, let’s cry for a purpose, but don’t simply cry. After all, we are all human.

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