TODAY there are all kinds of "gaps" between people. There is a "generation gap" between the young and the old. There are differences between parents and children, between teachers and students, between employers and employees, and between religious leaders and their flock.
What are the causes of these discrepancies? They are undoubtedly different and numerous, but probably one of the biggest flaws on both sides is communication. Again, this is mainly because each side is not listening to the other. People often think of something else while someone is talking to them instead of paying attention to what is being said. Men tend to do this, especially when they have women talking.
Mastering the art of listening is especially important for parents, teachers, men with professional responsibilities, and anyone who can lead people with emotional problems.
What is listening?
Listening really means paying attention to our mind and heart, to our ears and to our understanding. “Caution” is a reasonable term because it costs something. Of? Mostly time, but also personal interests, because you have to put the interests of others before your own. In other words, it requires a certain amount of selflessness, wisdom on your part, patience, and self-control.
We can say that there are three basic types of listening.
Listen to information, facts and figures, content of thought.
Also listen to emotional content, pay attention to tone of voice and whether the speaker is happy or depressed, happy or angry, proud or humble. The emotions expressed by the speaker, if noticed, will go a long way in clarifying what is being said. Empathy is very important for this type of listening.
And also listens to what is not said.
How can you do this? By Knowing what is implied but Not said. What seems to be the purpose or the reason for what is being said? A person may be prevented from expressing what they think out of pride or shame, because they are too emotionally involved, or because they want to not offend a manager.
Where can we apply these listening skills? The following second part of the article discusses the three groups of people whom the art of Listening can be applied to:
Listen to the children
Parents and teachers have many ways to help by listening to their children or students. For example, teachers were told that "one of the most basic and useful skills a teacher needs to acquire is the art of listening." And one school principal, who is also a mother of four, said: “Listening is the most effective tool I have found to help my children and students solve their problems. You will be amazed at how beautiful they are when given the chance. ""
Sometimes parents are deeply disappointed by the grumpy behavior of one or more of their children. You just do not understand But if they listened carefully, they could hear signs that something was wrong. For example, they may have felt that their children's words did not match their emotional content, that they paid homage to their parents' wishes, that they hid a spirit of independence. or rebellion.
Listening to children requires patience and sensitivity, but above all sympathy, empathy and understanding. Is it advisable to blame the child immediately if something is wrong or if it expresses a bad feeling? The result can be that you hide your feelings and the hidden feelings are more dangerous than those that are expressed openly, because then the lines of communication are cut.
Listen to the feelings behind the child's words, whether it's joy or anger, joy or defeat, and respond with compassion so the child knows you're listening. Of course, it takes time and patience, but wise parents think that one of the most valuable investments in time is listening to their children.
In addition to being ready to listen, learn how to encourage your child to talk and let him go. Lean forward, give your full attention, wait until he speaks, encourage him with expressions like "Tell me what's wrong?" "Yes?" "And now?" It sets your emotional wavelength, so to speak. And instead of immediately telling you what you did wrong or wrong, why not ask questions that will help you see your mistake without telling them? By showing a parent who listens with understanding, awareness, pace, sensitivity and empathy, you provide the right environment for your child to become emotionally confident and hopeful.
Listen to subordinates
The importance of good listening is also increasingly recognized by business leaders. The average boss is said to spend 40% of his time listening and absorbing only 30% of what he hears. That is why there are business courses for these men where they learn the art of listening.
In classes like this, men learn to focus on what is being said, a real problem because the mind can think much faster than the mouth can speak. Therefore, it is appropriate toconstantly analyze what is being said
eliminate the irrelevant
rank the key points
evaluate what they say versus what they know
look ahead to see where the speaker should go
listen to what is not said
In addition to this listening, a manager or other supervisor should listen for emotional overtones. Due to the relationship between the two, between the supervisor and the subordinate, you must also listen carefully to what is suggested but not said. You need to understand that the subordinate may not be ready to let go of everything. You may be afraid of being insulted, of losing your job, of making things worse instead of better with what you say, and therefore very reluctant to say you. Once again, a manager can get to the bottom of the problem and how to solve it by giving compassionate attention and asking questions tactfully.
Listen to the disturbed
In the case of those who advise people with emotional problems, the question was asked: "Which individual factor in a counselor is most important to help those in need?" And what was the answer? "Be very careful," that is, with your eyes and ears. That is, listening carefully and understanding helps the counselor to better understand the problem and has healing properties for those who need help.
Listening is very stressful because the human tendency is to want to speak from the start. It can be due to confidence, success, position, education or experience.Emphasizing the importance of listening rather than talking to those who advise is the following experience of reality:
It was early Sunday morning when a Christian preacher was putting the finishing touches on a Bible discussion he was supposed to have that day. He was suddenly shocked when an angry young man ran into his office without knocking and spoke of his frustrations. He spent the whole night thinking about her. Instead of encouraging the young man to keep talking and asking him questions so that he could assess his problem, the minister immediately offered appropriate advice, including the type of reprimand. The young man left, but soon returned, bored, running towards the minister and trying to suffocate him. Fortunately, some people downstairs sensed the excitement, came to find out what it was, and managed to kill the young man.
If you want to help someone who is upset it is very important to listen and turn to the interested person as you are not only listening to this but with interest and concern. Draw questions, try to find the details by typing "For example?" and other questions that stimulate and encourage you to speak in sentences like "Yes" and "Uh-Va". Don't be impatient and, most importantly, don't rush to scold yourself. It seems like the fearful person is coming to you for advice and help, but what they need as much or more is an opportunity to be heard by an understanding listener. This approach also helped people in mental health facilities, and the team found them desperately mad to come back to common sense.
When a child asks you about your interest, when a subordinate approaches you with a problem or concern, or when someone interested asks you for advice or advice, be patient, show empathy, and put yourself in place of the speaker. And listen to what may be implied but not explicitly stated. As stated earlier, “you pay the gold coin for diligence and goodwill and the dividend will come back to you” with the satisfaction of doing very well.
