@Don26
I hate everything
There are times that I hate everything. I hate the way I look, the way I live, and the way things are going in my life. I'm not convinced of the quality of life that I'm currently living in. I hate that my walls are wood, I hate that I have no decent room wherein I can freely open the camera every time we have our company meeting. I hate where I live. I hate the people around it. The way they gossip. The way they talk about everyone's life. I wish I can live in a different place. I wish I can live a life that is far from them. I hate that I have to spend a little while some can spend a lot on the things that they really want. I hate that I have to look for the tag price a couple of times before I buy something for myself. I hate myself too. I hate that I have to be the father of this family at a young age. I hate that I have to shoulder the overall expenses. I hate everything. I hate my 5-year-old phone. I hate this life sometimes but there's a lot of things that I am blessed to have but I'm taking for granted. **Have you experienced this feeling too?** I guess, yes. We all have personal frustrations. We are getting frustrated for something that doesn't meet our expectations. I am always daydreaming. I'm always having these thoughts that one day I'm gonna achieve everything that I'm longing for right now. There's always a time for everything. but there are times that you are getting frustrated because you know yourself that you are trying your best to accomplish this. **I'm not done. I'm trying to vent because I'm not feeling okay today.** I hate that I can't order food for myself because I'm living with my sibs and my sister's children and I can't eat alone without ordering them too. I'm not selfish, It's just sometimes you want to pamper yourself but it will always end up that you have to treat every member of the family when you just want to eat. I hate that I have to pay for the bills. Alone. I hate that I have to ask who's food is in the fridge while they can freely eat whatever I set aside there. I don't have to feel sorry for everything that I've said. That's how I feel. From a breadwinner's point of view, I am so fricking tired. From the bottom of my heart. I am tired. Keep safe. :
25 comments
I can understand that. Though I'm not the breadwinner but i stood as the mother of the house for so long that i hate it so much. And mow that I'll be working too, a majority of my salary will still go to the house and bills that I don't think I'll even manage a savings
Better safe dear, no matter how small the amount is.
I hope so ;;-;; I'm scared of hospital bills because those burn holes in my wallet
Same here which means we all better stay out of hospital. I need to pay 100 euro's a month plus the first 885 euros a year before the insurance starts paying. Medication is not included, neither is the dentist. Since the doctor's office is closed it isn't hard and I bought some basic meds at the drugstore in case of need.
That's a lot already- and I'm not even sure what my medical bills will be but I'm sure it won't be pretty ;;-;; i also stock up on medicine and food supply just in case
Yeah, though I can manage to save now there are times when you need to get funds from your savings due to some emergency matters.
That's true, specially when someone suddenly gets hospitalized or falls sick. The recent medical expense survey i saw had me shookdt at how outrageous getting hospitalized is now
Yeah. so we better stay the f away from crowded places or you'll end up spending your savings on hospital bills.
That and shoppee cuz i swear ;;-;; i keep thinking of things to get for the house I'm moving into
ohh nice. a new space.
You need a saving box for emergencies as well. Better not ask how many saving boxes I have (schoolfee, washing machine, electronics, dogs, health, taxes, retirement (LOL), driving lessons (2x), car (annual test and repairs), December 5th, birthdays, medication, etc etc (only not for clothes, shoes and vacation...☹)
I totally feel you and I know @heartbeat1515 does too. It sucks you always need to share and if I would be you I would discuss this and do pamper yourself once in a while especially if you are the only one who takes care, shares have to see how to pay those damned bills. I am tired of it too and I'm going to say to you the same as I told my children and @heartbeat. Everyone has to do his/her share no matter their age. They allowed to support you and there'no way they can just take the food from the fridge or cupboard. It doesn't work this way especially not if you have a hard time managing how to lay hands on money. Yes, I am tired too. Tired of caring, the never ending sharing. The fact I sacrificed so much my entire life and my life is over. In Dutch we would say "it's a hard laughing" (the bitter true). So set your goals, start saving, buy yourself a new phone to start with and get out of there. You take care of family but I don't agree they are your entire responsibility. Strength to you and let them all think about a future, make a plan what to do without you. If this situation goes on like this that time will come and you know what? I am sure they find a way out. Open the discussion now.
I'm gonna cry haha. I wish I can actually hear those from the people around me.
You will if you make a list with expenses for the whole bunch, your annoyments and worries and tell them to find a solution to help you!
@wakeupkitty is right. I get the feelings. You know what? The first step I took is to get out of the house. It difficult being held responsible for everything but they need to learn bit by bit. It will be tough and hurtful but if you have goals. Aim for it. A friend once said to me. I always said to myself, it is alright to help but make sure you have a little bit left for you and your own family, which is my husband and child.
We allowed our own space, time to relax without pampering ourselves we won't make it for long. I know as I left I wondered too who would take over all the work and responsibility loaded on me. You know what? Within short they found a solution while I kept struggling.
Thanks for all your comments. For a moment, I felt like I am not the only person on earth who's struggling like this.
For sure you are not the only one. Many of us struggle and I can tell you it's the worst about being a parent. They expect you to give away everything and forget about yourself. I always had a bad conscious if I ate a piece of chocolate alone. Those days are over I just need to safe more for me. I don't count on my children to take care of me if I can no longer take care of them.
awww. but I pretty sure they will take good care of you in the future. The love for parents will always be there.
No, I don't think so. Children grow up, go their own way, if they have a partner family, especially parents, are forgotten. Our society is not one build on taking care of each other but leaving as soon as you are 18 years old and care about yourself. Even the houses are not suitable to live together with more than 1 generation or a bigger family. The government has to change that.
Yeah, I might totally forget how to leave a bit for myself maybe. All I do is work and how can I bring food to the table.
It is alright to keep a bit for ourself. I am sorry for the late reply.
I feel you. I can relate. Been the sole breadwinner can leave one frustrated at times. The consolation n joy for me is that I get to see my mum and sibs happy. Their happiness is my joy. I always try to find happiness in the difficulty. But once in a while I try to treat myself to nice stuffs - have some me time.
Yeah same. That's the only thing that keeps me working really hard too. To make them happy. though there are times I felt like I have to make something for myself too.
I also feel this kind of frustration