Standing on this frontier of life, day and night a thought is swallowing me. What was my birth for? What a loss if a man was not born on earth. I got the taste of world victory by being born the best of creation. I was born to open a new account. There was no one more dedicated to the Creator than I was.
Birth means getting stuck in the difficult trap of time and world. There are some customs in the world, which are never hidden. And how many can understand the gaps of those rituals. In the end, people have nothing to do but live a miserable life. So time also seems cruel and irrational.
I had to return to the country after losing my youth for the needs of the world. As soon as one problem was not over, the other would stand with his head held high. Understand, problems mean life. There is no way out of life. It's all over when you close your eyes forever.
When the two children were young, I used to think that as soon as my life was over, I would have to educate them and make them human. But I never thought that even that hope would be burnt to ashes. There was a concession in their minds then, they will understand me when they grow up. But I didn't understand myself, they have to be old enough to understand. Before that, they can tie the knot with the vicious circle.
The eldest son was able to pass school somehow. Then he did not sit with the book. One day my wife cried and said, "What can I do alone or as a girl?" The boys spend the whole day outside. Where it goes, what it does, I don't know. Can I follow them anymore? You yourself have gone abroad and are sitting. In this world, life has become coal. Yet the whole day will only hurt me!
Understood, true. No one is to blame. It's all my fault. Even after being with the father, the child is not human. How much do boys listen to their mother? One day I came abroad with huge hopes. But standing on this evening of life today, it seems, the curse of exile can never be anything in people's lives.
Almost everything in life was lost with work and pursuit of work. Now the ligaments of the body have become loose and absolutely shaky. Still have to go to work. Medication is taken almost every day. Tears come to my eyes at night thinking of my wife. Nothing could be done for him either. What did he get? Neither got money, nor husband's affection. Girls don't come to their husband's house just to eat twice.
I have bowed to the weight of age now. Looking at the last afternoon sun, I have to think again, the rest of my life - or what will happen to me! This is the roughness, what else can be said. If one does not realize with life.
I have nothing left in my hand. It is very difficult to work on the construction side with this shaky body. Still have to go. Going and coming back home, sighing and finding the meaning of life. It is not a life. It cannot be called human life. So what is it! I can't even find his point.
In the end, I decided to bring the eldest son abroad and return to the country. One day I thought the exact opposite. I will never bring my son abroad. If necessary, he will sell betel-bidi from the soil of the country. That's a lot better. But time forced me to change my mind. It became inevitable to bring the boy abroad. Because, the boy is a little drunk or stunned. It was not left to understand that his life will be like mine.
What has never been said, is what everyone wants to give today. I never thought of myself from the very beginning of my expatriate life. It seemed to me that if I could work hard to keep everyone in the house well, that would be my happiness. I think the question arises today. They have been good! Nothing happened. I lied about my life in vain.
I tried my best to fulfill the desire of the child. I don't live with them anymore. They also need father's caress. Today I feel like a big failure. I did not understand that embarrassment would grip life so mysteriously. There is not much to understand. When understood, there is no more time. The benefits and harms of being born as a human being are calculated by just bowing your head and calculating the old memories. What I got and what I lost. Life may be tied to this.
