This week I saw a lot of posts about mother. I am so much glad about such posts. But somewhere in my mind, I felt to write this post. It is about myself being a mother and my experience and also what I have seen and felt around.
My daughter will turn it into 5 this August 2021. She is the first child of mine. we pre-planned for her birth. when I got pregnant, I did not feel anything hard in eating, but I felt so difficult during travelling on a public bus. From the day I knew that she is inside me, I started being more careful about everything. Eat, walk, laugh, talk, read and many other things. Most of my elders say that whatever you do at this very time, the baby will pick up the same characteristics. so, I was so much care-full since the pregnancy period. I was like ' oh! it is not good to eat for my baby, oh this is not the way I should think, Oh! I should not act this way, yes I should try to be happy always and I should read the good books and the particular ones etc. And, most of the nights I used to suffer from nightmares. In the middle of sleep if I had to wake up I used to think if I am sleeping in a difficult position for my baby. Mostly I used to worry that if my baby is breathing or not? Why the baby is not moving today. Such things made me more of a typical mother. Such feelings taught me about the meaning of the real biological mother. Maybe it is the attachment that no relationship can witness except the mother and her child.
In my school days, I used to have one friend. She was the only friend who was living with her stepmother. we used to talk about our parents most of the times. But she chooses to be quiet. One day at the tiffin break time she was seen a little sad at the corner. I went to her and asked in my lower voice, what happened my friend? she stayed quiet. I quickly realised that she was without her tiffin box. And I didn't bother asking her about that. I asked her if I can be her best friend from the day onwards. Her face was a little brighter. I shared my tiffin and went back to the class. After school, she tried to open up herself. She said that "today my parents fought on my tiffin box, my stepmom said I have no time to prepare tiffin for your daughter' and my dad scolded her very bad that she was crying aloud. And I choose to come empty-handed. I said don't worry, you are my best friend from today so I will share with you my tiffin from today onwards. She smiled.
But now she is married, unfortunately, she had her miscarriage several times. She cannot produce her own baby now. But, her husband wants to have his own biological child. So, he married another woman. Now from the second marriage of her husband, they have a boy of 9 years. But the main thing everybody gets astonished by the attachment of the first wife (my friend) and the child. He never searches for his biological mother first when he comes back from school.
sometimes, my mind asks me that, do we have to be the biological mother to be a great mother? There are so many examples in our society. I can give you one good example from my own home. The example of my home is different. It answers why others cannot take place of your mother.
Before my child was born a year ago, my sister in law eloped with another guy. The only reason she eloped might be that her husband didn't return even after 15 years of her second child. As we live in a joint family, my husband is the strong financial support for the family. When I got married to this home, her two sons were already big enough. Both were in their teenage. one had already finished his school level. And the other was in 7th standard. Since I was new to this home, no one could open up with me. But I used to prepare breakfast, lunch and dinner in time. And call them and do alone all the household work alone. In the beginning, I used to wash all of their clothes with my hands. But later I realised that they are not helping me anyway. On holidays, They used to spend all the time inside the room. I had to call them for food every time. They talk with me while asking for money. Otherwise, they do not care. And one day I asked the eldest one if he is in connection with his mother. But he said 'No'. The tension was that she did not just elope but she left the house in tension. Before leaving the house, she had borrowed money from lots of people. And we came to know after she left. my husband band 28 lakh of her loan in total. But still, we did not act rude to their sons because they were innocent. One day the eldest son mobile was charging in the living room. I just thought to look at his phone. But accidentally I saw a box full of a message written by his mother. And I was speechless. The message was from 2017 before their mother left them. Oh! my gosh she was sending them money back to back. At home, they used to ask for pocket money every time. Oh my god, the eldest was lying to us for 4/5 years. But still, I did not even say a single word and he still does not know that I found out his chatbox.
Here, how I want to conclude is that being a mother and becoming a mother to others child may not vary when both of them dedicated to each other. When their feelings are real to each other. If you think it is your formality then that does not come to attract another person. Most of the population are demanding adaption and surrogate mother these days. Now, people have come up with the word" true love" that can be done to anyone not only biological. If such a thing would have happened before, today there would not have a problem with such things. why people like my friend's husband did not adopt a child from an orphan house? It is because the orthodox way of thinking is a virus that has been ruling our mind in the name of " Biological ".
Today if only biological was in the front line then there would be a selfish world around. There would be no orphan house. There would be a couple who had to die without children. But today they don't have to live empty-handed. They can choose a child from an orphan house. The orphan child gets a great education, food shelter and life and most parents. In this way, wonderful people change the world with their big hearts. At last, I wanted to say that we should try to become good human. It does not matter from whose womb we were born but important thing is that who made us feel it. If your real mother cannot give love to you like a mother then that is of no sense. so, love should be real to anyone you do.
Thank you readers
