As a kid I was very quite, never caused trouble and was considered a well behaved child. This has carried over adulthood, with me avoiding every argument with ever. For a very long time, I considered This as a positive quality to have. I was polite and kept to myself where others would complain. But in reality being non-confrontational is an extremely negative.
Why are Some People Non-Confrontational?
A lot of us are sensitive and fear hurting other’s feelings or we just simply don’t like getting into uncomfortable situations so we try to maintain peace at all costs. For example, if a friend or a family member says something hurtful, I would just ignore it and let the negative emotions built up inside me instead of confronting them. Similarly, if I order takeaway from a restaurant and they deliver me the order with something from the order missing I wouldn’t call the restaurant and ask them to deliver the rest of my order. I would just get mad and do nothing about it. Even little things that don’t seem like confrontations to other people would stress me out.
I think the reason why a lot of us have a non-confrontational personality is because we care too much about how we’re perceived. We just want to please everyone and we don’t want to feel like we’re giving people a hard time.
Why Being Non-Confrontational is a Problem
While being non-confrontational may make it simpler for you to get along with others, it also makes it simpler for others to take advantage of you. If you don’t confront people about a problem you have with them, they will think there is no problem. Trying to please everyone gets tiring and we only end up resenting people and having negative feeling towards them. A lot of non-confrontational people tend to act passive aggressive because we’re afraid of being honest and straightforward about how we feel.
How to Overcome Being Non-Confrontational
The first step is realizing there is a problem admitting it to yourself. The next steps need some practice.
Resolve the conflict immediately before it gets complicated. Speaking up from the beginning and being straightforward is the best way to go. It takes some time but you have to remember to prioritize your feelings. And you have to realize that being direct is not a bad trait and you’re not bothering others with telling them how you truly feel instead of just nodding and agreeing to whatever they say. Most people appreciate honesty!
Choose the communication method you prefer. If it’s uncomfortable for you to confront someone face to face. You can write to them and email or you can text them. You can also give them a phone call if you want. Use the method that you’re comfortable with and the method that you feel like you can express yourself with the best.
Don’t think the worst. A lot of us avoid confrontation in the first place because we think that the worst will happen. Someone will yell at us, the relationship will be over, they will laugh at us, they will belittle us and a bunch of other negative thoughts. Overthinking will allow negative scenarios that most likely won’t occur to stress you out. It may seem easier to just let the situation go but in reality taking it out with someone is easier and will prevent bigger conflicts in the future.