This is the story of a grandmother who arrives desperate ...
Sir, I am a young grandmother with grandchildren. My daughter Ana says that I am meddling in raising her son and that she has a different way of looking at more modern life. I feel that she is wrong and that she is too tolerant and "loose hand with children." What to do in these cases?
Dear friend: This type of conflict between parents and children is frequent, when those who were children become parents and those who were parents now become grandparents. Some believe they have the right to have things their own way and others consider they have the necessary experience to do everything "much better."
From what she points out, her daughter Ana hers gets upset when you want to get involved (we don't know in what way) in raising children. It is possible that more than the participation, she is bothered by the way, when or how often you do that participation.
In principle, put yourself in her place and ask yourself if when you were given the responsibility of raising her daughter (Ana), you were open to external suggestions or criticism. Not everyone is pleased when they do what they are supposed to do. There are those who prefer to decide for themselves. It is also possible that her daughter is not satisfied with the time you gave her and instead of saying it directly, she is "taking its toll" on you that way. In such a case, a sincere conversation is required, at an opportune moment, to clarify things, recognize what is true and forgive, in order to rebuild the bond in more suitable and healthy conditions.
On the other hand, it happens that many parents make their children feel foolish; They tell them things with which they feel clumsy and useless, and so they can manipulate them and make them obey them instead of evolving and changing with the process of life.
I take your good intention for granted, although you must understand that there is a space that only corresponds to the parents (father and mother) and that must be respected. As for the idea that your daughter might be making mistakes, let me tell you that I don't know of any parents who don't. Its normal. It is the law of trial and error.
It is good that you make suggestions, even in writing, if direct verbal communication becomes too difficult. But do not impose yourself, or believe that her experience is "more valuable" than hers. To do so would be a big mistake.
Each one has their time to assume responsibilities, in addition, the great Plan of God regulates our processes. You must not be so naive as to think that we are alone and abandoned in this world. Everything has a reason for being and you have to have confidence in yourself and faith in the Divine. Luck!
Sir, is that I am also currently going through a strong emotional depression, I think motivated to be in the process of menopause combined with having stopped smoking. I am acting quite irrational.
The first thing I recommend to feel good about yourself is to avoid self-diagnosis. When we are sure that the ailment we have is from a cause we know of, we create a solid wall that prevents creative change. It is as if, for example, someone considers that he is poor and suffers from shortages because of the government and uses that perception to not sit back, "sit down and do nothing, but hope that the government will change.
Returning to his approach, in the part about emotionality and irrationality that he says he suffers, I will tell him that for us to be reactive, there may be one or a hundred causes that combine and activate specific emotional states in us.
What is sought is to expand the awareness of our emotions to learn to handle them. Those two of the five parameters of Emotional Intelligence (Self-awareness and Self-control). For that, you must practice self-observation exercises and learn to detect which emotion or internal state is the one you experience or the one that prevails in your day to day life. In addition, you must watch your thoughts, since most emotions obey patterns of ideas repeated in our mind. No one can be upset if they have no reason for it. Review your previous paradigms, concepts, or beliefs about menopause. Do you consider that you will be useless as a woman? Do you think you lost something?
You think that quitting smoking makes you irritable. Indeed, it can happen. However, quitting smoking also brings better health, money savings, better relationships with your daughter and her family, and greater confidence in the ability to make decisions and evolve. Focus on profit, think positively, observe yourself, and find all the reasons you can to rejoice and celebrate life. Remember that it is you who chooses what you think, what you feel, and what you decide to do. We are not animals, we have a share of consciousness that we must increase and use constructively.
An additional and important factor, unfortunately unknown to me, is related to its contexts: the places or environments in which it operates. Who does he live with? Does it work? In which? In our natural environment it is always possible to trace indirect causal aspects of our behavior. We do not always react the same, since there are aspects that denote or trigger our emotional trigger and that is something that must be found out in order to make the corresponding forecasts.
Also, I invite you to start practicing pain relievers such as Tai Chi, meditation or walking. You can seek serenity, yet keep in mind the option of expressing that inner energy in dynamic activities.
Courage, we must not create problems where there are none, we must let each one flow in the way that corresponds to them. If it is in our hands to help advise someone, let's do it, we do not lose anything, on the contrary we gain a lot.
