So yeah, it was just minutes when I heard that my grandfather died. April 22, 2021 - 4:58 PM (GMT +8).
It was sad. hurtful.
It hurts really bad.
As much as I wanted to act normal, absorb the blows of this news as I walk to grab my phone to answer my mom's call.
I thought it was just some ordinary, "Hey what's up? Have you taken your meals yet?" But no. This time it wasn't.
It was something that I knew. Well, I thought I did, and I thought I was prepared for, but to my surprise, I wasn't.
The conversation was pretty much swift. Just like a blade from a samurai's katana, I was cut into many different pieces.
The words were few but every word hits like a ton of slow, stinging pain, every time my mom mentions them.
"Son, your lolo's (grandfather) gone."
Lost in a field where words, emotions, and actions are nowhere to be found.
And to think that earlier today I was just singing and listening to Youtube as I spring around to finish my shift at work.
"Son, your lolo's gone."
Words that hit me so hard, that all of my emotions crashed before I can provide a proper one. Was this a joke? Are you for real? Why? How?
Hundreds of questions that run as fast as the speed of sound came across my brain but what I chose was not to speak but to cry.
"When words don't come across, actions will take over"
That's the only time I had the chance to compose what to reply. And I thought I had prepared for this day already. Since I was aware of my grandfathers' current situation.
He's old and I know it's just a matter of years, months, days, minutes... as he embraced his end. I guess, that irony is written today, isn't it?
What's worse than living in a world where death among families is just part of the "new normal"...
Is that no matter how hard I try to freeze my heart and numb my feelings...
just to prepare for the worst to happen...
..but it still fucking hurts.
I know no one's to blame here, not the system, not the government, not even Coronavirus. But the fact that every day, your family members, friends, and other people that you knew is passing away. My question rises from beneath my inner core...
Aren't we allowed to live anymore???
Is it just part of the new normal that we need to endure, every pain and everything that we need to understand in order to live our lives as if nothing has happened?
Are we written in a story made to finish somewhere in the middle without having the chance to see the wonderful ending?
Is this part of a journey where one after another, at a random rate, we will no longer be touching elbows with our comrades, colleagues, and where we can't hug our families anymore?
What does the future hold for those people who don't have the means to survive? For those people who don't have the physical strength to breathe the remaining good air that surrounds us. Is it normal now to say that tomorrow, next week, or months from now, we are no longer needed here on Earth?
Something that hits me so hard is that no matter how hard you try to prepare yourself for what is coming. If it's someone that you really love. You would still be struck like lightning. All walls all defense will fall, and you would just be left there staring on blank space, wondering, what went wrong, what happened, and when will it happen again.
So if you ever had the chance to read up to this point. Thank you for joining me and giving me a virtual pat on the back. It may not be unintentional for you, but for me, reading this article is like saying that everything will pass and we too shall survive this horror that we called "life".
Rest well my dear "Lolo" (Grandfather) Rodrigo. Break free from this world's pain and suffering.
