Every person has a shadow self, and it's not always pretty.

It might be someone you've hidden. It could be an essential part of yourself that you refuse to let anyone else see. It could be your worst nightmare, or it could be your inner voice.

Regardless of who or what it is, you need to learn how to embrace that part of yourself and not let it control you.

There are lots of great books and resources on the subject, just make sure to find what works for you. There is no one right way, but there are many small everyday steps you can take to begin the process.

The more awareness you have of your shadow, the easier it will become to embrace it and give it a chance to grow and change.

One of my favorite quotes on the subject is from Alice Miller: "The same person who is cruel and violent will also be tender and caring when he is in touch with himself".

The truth about your shadow self maybe a little scary at first, but remember it's not something bad that has happened to you, but rather a part of your psyche that you will never be able to fully understand until you come face to face with it.

As your understanding grows, so too will your ability to cope with the memories and thoughts that have been locked away for too long.

Here are some initial steps you can take to begin embracing your shadow self.

1. Get Comfortable with the Feeling That Comes Up When You're Alone: Remind yourself that this is a safe place, and not something scary or shameful. Find out what makes you feel good when you're alone there, write it down and make this part of your daily routine.

2. Take Care of Your Body and Mind: Make sure your body is getting enough sleep, exercise regularly and eat healthy. Anything that takes away from your mental health is unhealthy for you. Give yourself time to recharge.

3. Explore Your Shadow Self through Dreams and Journaling: You can take the time to be alone with your shadow and explore it in a dream journal. This is a great place to start making connections between what you see in your dreams and how you feel when you are alone.

4. Change Your Shady Habits: Do things that make you feel good about yourself, spend time with people who like and respect you, follow through on commitments that support your growth, and do something nice for someone else. All of these things will help bring the positive part of your shadow out into the light where it can grow strong and bright enough to overshadow the dark parts of your psyche.

5. Start a Support Group: Find others who are willing to help you learn to embrace your shadow self and the parts of yourself that remain hidden.

6. Start Slowly: Your shadow self is not a bad thing in itself but it can be scary at first. Start with one small step, such as doing a drawing, writing an essay or making something that expresses what you see in your shadow self and how you feel about it.

7. Don't Be Afraid To Talk About It: The more you talk about the darker side of yourself within a safe environment, the more comfortable you will get talking about those things that frighten most people.

8. Leave Your Comfort Zone: Try things that are outside your normal routine. This might be a little scary at first but you can always fall back to your comfort zone if it becomes too much to handle.

9. Be Patient: You might feel like you're never going to get out of the dark side of yourself, but believe me, this is just the beginning and it will get better little by little until one day you will have a full, beautiful life.

10. Enjoy Your Life: Be kind to yourself, treat yourself with respect and let go of the guilt because you have given your life a chance to heal. You have done nothing wrong and you will never fail at loving your shadow self if you are open to this process.