Memory lane: a brief introduction of who I am (1).

My early days as a writer were the worst. I had just landed a writing gig with this firm that asked me to write over three daily articles. Courtesy of my boyfriend then. The compensation was wonderful and everything, but I couldn't even deliver. I wrestled with this sensation of being a phony each time I sat to write.

I constantly told myself that I wasn't good enough. So, my brain may go blank each time I sat to write. I couldn't even get one sentence ready. Picasso famously remarked that all art is merely the artist's reaction to the first line he paints on the canvas. But I couldn't even get my first sentence properly.

Even if I did on rare instances. I'd remove whatever I wrote up to the third line. Because I wasn't confident about it. And it didn't sound good enough like other pieces I've read. I couldn't even reach my 3 article deadline.

No! I didn't even get one ready. I would go home often very late. My boss' furious voice in my head. My back aching from hours of sitting across the desk. The irritation and wrath from unproductivity coursing through my blood. I used to drink a lot then. So I'd get intoxicated. Curse me. Curse at my work. Curse at destiny. Curse everyone who wants to read my essay. Then, I'd get under my covers.

I'd wake up extremely late the following morning. The headache was severe, I thought my head was going to split from all the booze I had drunk the previous night. I didn't want to go to work. Why was I even working? My parents were doing well. They could sponsor me through college as if it were nothing.

Well, I was a high school grad. Back then in high school, I was a badass writer. Maybe, I thought I was. I've won several essay contests both for myself and some for the school. I loved writing too. My fantasies were always magnificent. I distinctly remembered when I joined an online novel writing contest, then I created a highly fascinating romance book. It was a vampire diary though. I was shocked at the way my brain could come up with such, and the way I arranged the storyline and presented each scenario was simply too wonderful. I still can't believe I wrote it while reading it now. I came first, this was undoubtedly one of the most wonderful days of my life.

Then I felt it. This impulse to seek a new dream. Well, I am a science student. Public health is my major. But writing was my thing then(it still is now). They say you won't know unless you try right? So, I was gonna give this part of myself a shot. I began creating stories on neo story. My mom didn't like it. She would complain about it, she took my laptop at some point. But after so much, pleading and bribes, she returned my laptop. (You're probably wondering why I rarely talk about my dad. Well, my dad was a sailor. Hence, he was hardly at home. No doubt, he was still a great dad. But most of my time was spent with the mom and the boys. I'm the only girl. Lmao).

Well, my first income from neo story and the thrill was incredible. I was overwhelmed. I wanted to surprise my mum and the guys. I sent them each some cash, and that night when Mom returned from the store. I couldn't contain my laughter when she attacked me with so many questions. My older brother knew about my writing gigs, therefore he was merely thrilled and appreciative. The other two were a lot younger than I, so what would they care. They were just so happy they had some pocket money to take care of their personal needs.

After what seemed like an eternity of explaining to mom how I made the money, the tension subsided. She long stopped disturbing me each time I was on my laptop. This was my senior year in school and my writing ambition was going well thus far.

Then I graduated. As "The Royals Highschool's most creative student". I was smart too. So I earned three separate trophies then. Nevertheless, I enjoyed this one best. I couldn't get into the college that year, I was so worried on the day of my interview. So, I screwed up my practicals and I wasn't admitted. (Well, I was too busy creating romance tales and didn't prepare). I needed to wait for next year, to take the exams again.

I kept writing. Did ghostwriting at some point. Just to while away time, while I waited to take the exams next year. I wasn't okay. Each time I got on Whatsapp and heard my friends who were at college bragging about how much fun they were having in the group chat. I was often sad. I wanted to exit the group chat, but I couldn't. What would they say behind my background? "Most decorated and best graduating student" of our class who couldn't even get into college. Yes, it was one of my awards. (Lol. Don't blame me, I don't enjoy talking about it).

My quietness was sometimes mistaken as pride at school. I couldn't connect with my peers. Plus, I was a new student too. I moved to the school in my SSS 1. So I had a hard time mingling and making friends. No one had probably spotted me, or so I thought. Until my grades came to light. Then, I was passed off as being proud since I'm brilliant. I couldn't even explain myself. What would I say? I shut out all possibility of making friends ever in that school since they all have this opinion of me, then there was no point.

I concentrated on school, reading romantic novels and comic books. Then I met Leah and Reigns in SSS 2. They just transferred here and somehow we clicked. Maybe, because we were newbies who couldn't stand the rest of the students. Sigh. I can't quit the group chats now. I left the chat on mute for a while. But I was always intrigued about what was going on there.

It's nearly time for the end of the year festivities. And surely, The Royals Highschool, class 019 would be hosting a get-togethers celebration. (I know you would be shouting I shouldn't attend).

But will I? Well, I'm not so sure.

I realize this article is growing a bit too long than I had planned. Forgive me, it occurs each time I sit to write. Going down the memory lane, especially this one isn't my kind of thing.

But, since I'd be making this into a book someday. I'm consuming every courage I need to start sharing some piece of it here. Watch out for the next part.😊😁

P.S: Hello readers. It's Debs here.

I'm a writer and information marketer. I write stories, mainly romantic, horror and thrillers.

I can also teach you the basic skills you need to succeed in life (communication, writing, reading, etc). I'll also be sharing helpful tips on various aspects of life like financial tips, health tips, personal growth tips, and a lot more.

I'll be sharing personal interesting life experiences and the lessons I've learned from them. But for now, let me tell you a story about my journey as a writer. One mistake I made and what I learned.