Title: Advice + rant
I see lots of confessions here in relation to dating and strict asian parents so I thought I would share (what I think is) advice and a story about the problems it can cause.
I haven’t personally been raised under super strict parents when it comes to dating (strict in other things like grades and sports though) but I have been around it a lot due to my friends and have also done a bit of research into it at University.
Don’t let you parents control your love life. This is for two main reasons. Firstly it can scare off potential partners who see you are stuck under your parents thumb and don’t want to have to deal with that e.g they don’t want to get emotionally invested in you but then get dumped because your parents decide they don’t want them. Secondly parents, especially older generations/more traditional ones, have a list of unfair reasons to stop you dating people. For example racism, don’t like their job (even if it makes money, it needs to be prestigious), they aren’t wealthy enough etc etc. In the end you will be dating this person not them.
Don’t have secret relationships. This causes a whole host of issues such as a lack of trust between parents and yourself, your grades can plummet since you are nervous about being caught and are spending time sneaking out to see your S.O, can’t go to your parents for help if you have issues with your S.O etc.
Be open to your parents setting you up with someone but don’t feel pressured to make it work with that person.
Don’t compromise your own happiness for your parents happiness, remember if you end up marrying person X they will be around you all the time. It’s important that they make you happy rather than your parents.
People that have parents that don’t allow dating due to study and grades, struggle later on life to find someone because they haven’t developed their social skills
(Note to admins I did get my friends permission to post this because she wants to try warn others about it)
An example of the problems caused by controlling parents is what happened to one of my best friends we will call her A. Now I don’t know if this walking trash heap that abused her is in this group since he’s blocked on Facebook but if he is you know who you are slimey fuck face.
Now I know this is going to sound biased but it’s not. Person A is one of the sweetest most gentle people I have met but has low self esteem. This was mainly caused by her parents who constantly made her feel like she wasn’t good enough in everything she did and compared her to her friends who achieved higher at school and imposed strict rules on her. One of these rules was no relationships.
Because of A’s self esteem she felt worthless and unloveable. Enter slimey fuck face who I’ll call S. A was almost 3 years younger than S and way out of his league. Like once again I might sound biased but S was one of the ugliest creatures to crawl up from the bowels of the earth and A is actually really quite pretty, but her low self esteem made her think she couldn’t do any better than someone like S and she wanted to feel like she had some worth/love so she agreed to go out with S.
Now a bit about S to put some context around him. He failed English which is his first language, was obsessed over lolis to the point it seemed like pedophilia and was grossly overweight.
What followed was the worst 11 months of A’s life. S used and abused A constantly, sexually and verbally. He made her feel even more worthless to the point where she was harming herself, but that didn’t matter to S because all she was was a sex toy for him that she only managed to escape from because he moved onto another unfortunate girl. I don’t want to go into detail of what he did to her because it makes me so angry and sick that I didn’t know and couldn’t help her but for people who want to know the risks I’ll add a summarised list at the end. Now some of you think it’s her fault. Why didn’t she just leave him? 11 months is a long time? Well this is because whenever she tried to leave S would threaten to tell her parents about them because it was a secret relationship and A’s parents would of basically disowned her for what she did so she was trapped until he left her. He also used this to pressure her into sex, which imo basically counts as rape. She couldn’t escape him and she couldn’t ask her parents for help. Sorry if some of this doesn’t make perfect sense whenever I try write about this I get so angry my mind gets muddled. But keep safe out there and also pay attention to your friends sometimes they desperately need help but we fail to spot it.
What this animal did to her...
(I’m referring to sex as X)
-would pick her up after school take her to his house, force her into X then quickly drop her home before her parents got home from work
-made her lie to her parents about how she was going out to study while in fact he was pressuring her to come have X. She failed her exams to get into uni because of this.
-would demand she came over rather than see any of her friends.
-made her pay for everything despite his family being far richer than hers.
-made her have X when his parents were home so they could hear what was happening and she felt constantly ashamed.
-made her have X twice a day whenever she was forced to come over which was about once per week.
-half the time refused to use contraception and did his business inside her, then refused to buy her morning after pills.
-demanded she give him her address so he could come over make her do X then go home during the holidays while her parents were at work.
-knew what would happen to her if she got pregnant (family disown, drop out of school, repudiation as a slut) but didn’t give a shit.
-only time she could escape coming over was to send him very revealing nudes even though she didn’t want to.
-told her she was worth less to him than his anime lolis
-when she tried to do things like watch movies of go on lunch dates he refused and made her have X instead. To put it into context despite barely seeing each other they did X over 80 times in 11 months (not including other sexual things) but went on under 15 proper dates.
-had a daddy complex and demanded she call him that.
-started smoking and then blamed it on her and all the stress she gave him and she was going to kill him.
-if she tried to leave he would say he would kill himself so she felt guilted into staying.
-she was only 1-2 months over the legal age to have sex but she says even if she was underage it wouldn’t of stopped him.
-wouldn’t let her play any games she liked because she might cheat on him but he was allowed to play anything he wanted including hentai shit.
-demanded she always share her location with him so he knew where she was at all times.
-tried to phone her all the times with her parents around and if she got caught she would of been killed
- Stay safe out there