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Preference has always been a part of human existence ranging from the choice of who to marry and the preferable sex of the child to be born in the family. In all of these choices, there is always an avenue for one to change what he does not want especially when it has not been given. This has been the pattern of life for every living thing under the surface of the earth. I believe you have had an opportunity this morning to make some choices either about what to wear, eat or even the place to go to. It will not be off for me to say that life does not exist without preference. Having stated that, I will want to dive head-on into today’s topic and I will want you to walk with me side by side as we discuss today’s topic.
Which is better?
Ok, this post is inspired by an experience I had with two of my friends when I asked each of them for a favour. Now, I believe you may have experienced this at a time in your life and I bet you, it is not a pleasant feeling for anybody to have. For the sake of keeping the two friends anonymous, I will tag both of them “Friend A & B.
I called friend A on a faithful day when I need a favour from him. In the cause of our discussion, he told me straight up that he will not be able to help me out with my request. I felt bad because this is a friend I will always share things with without having a second thought and it was my first time asking him for a favour. I ended the call with some sort of disappointment moreover I hate to ask for favours from anybody because I don’t want to be at anyone’s mercy. I felt so bad that I began to regret making that call but on second thought, my mind was made up again to try the second friend whom I was very sure will be of help. When I called friend B he asked me what the favour was and as I finished telling him, he told me that he will do it. I was so happy for his response and as I began to reason the first response from friend A I began to see him as a selfish friend. Within me, I have already tagged him a bad friend and elevated friend B to the height of a good friend.
Now, this is where the whole confusion started. I hope you are following this post. The response I got from friend A was a direct decline while friend B said that he will do it before the end of the day. Now, as the day was whining down, I called friend B as a means to remind him of what he said he was going to do for me. Lo and behold, he did not answer my call. After calling him up to three times, he still did not answer my call. Now, I had to chat him up on WhatsApp because I noticed he was online. When I sent him a message he ignored it even when the message has been delivered to him. I decided to leave him till the next day. I called him again in the afternoon of the next day, he did not answer my call and this time around I noticed that my calls began to enter voice mail. That was when it became clear to me that he was avoiding me probably because of the favour I asked him to do for me.
This got me so mad that I began to imagine how he made me feel at the first instance when he accepted to do the favour. As I was thinking, it dawned on me that friend A was a good friend for being honest with me by saying that he will not be able to help me. I could not just imagine that a friend will treat me the way friend B did. My anger increased because I realized that I did not force him to choose between accepting to help me when I asked him for help. He could have told me there and then that he won’t be able to grant me the favour I needed instead of accepting it when at the back of his mind he knew that he was not going to come through for me. This is where the issue of preference comes in. The question is; why say yes when you don’t mean yes?
This is one thing that confuses me when I encounter people with such attitudes. It is not too hard to say no when you know that you cannot come through with what you are asked to do. Instead of saying yes and failing to fulfil your yes, it is better to say no so that the person who is seeking help will begin to look for an alternative. Life is not too hard but we always make the mistake of making it too hard for ourselves through the decisions we make. I seriously waiting for the day my friend will call me so that I will hear what he has to say. This is three days past and I have not heard from him yet he is always online on WhatsApp updating his status. There is a Nigerian song that a part of the chorus line says; No go dey do pass yourself… (Do not accept what you cannot do). We all know our capability but we end up putting ourselves in dangerous positions because we decided to do more than ourselves. Be mindful of your choice or preference because it might come back to hurt in the long run.