I grew up in a family where everyone is loved by both parents and even extended family members i.e. uncles, auntie, cousins and nephews alike. This love flourished so well that as a child I could make a demand of what I want at any giving time and that request will be granted provided it does not go against family norms and social standard.
I remembered the first time I requested a novel that was so voluminous or should I say above my age, my elder sister who at that time was my role model when it comes to reading anything readable scolded at me and discouraged my mum from granting such request and suggested she buys children’s novel for me instead. Meanwhile, at age 12, I have already lost interest in reading children’s novel. After all, I sneak into my sister’s room to steal her novels just to read them at the dead-end of the night because I would not want to be seen.
If I am asked, I would say that my reading spree developed so well through the help of my family even though I was the youngest and this made me fall in love with the word family as regards to the love, care and unity that exist in it.
Last week, I was going through the national dailies and I saw a headline that talked about family and DNA testing in Nigeria. I was forced to open the page to read through the news only for me to realize that there is a seemingly discordant under tune hidden in the article. I saw where the rated the percentage of men who are not the biological fathers of their kids to be about 30 per cent out of 100 and this got me thinking.
In my mind, I was greatly disturbed because from all the stories I heard both online and from other people concerning this issue of DNA testing and its effects to families, I told myself that I would not even border to ask for such. After all, I believe it’s better not known even though I have not seen or heard either of my parents complaining about cheating even while I was still young.
To be frank, I don’t see the reason why a man should ask for a DNA test on his kids when you don’t have any reason to doubt your children’s paternity or even your wife’s fidelity. The other day I was listening to the radio and the presenter was telling a story of a man who decided to run a DNA test on his kids only to find out that his younger brother was the father of all his kids. The story went on to say that the man was unable to carry such emotional bombshell and this made him commit suicide by hanging himself. Now the salient question to ask is; what has the man achieved from unravelling the hidden truth?
He had a lovely family and from the story, it was told that he was never in doubt about the wife’s fidelity but the reason he asked for a DNA test was that he read it in the news and also heard his friends talk about it and how they talked their wives into agreeing to run a DNA test.
There is something very important that everyone seeking or clamouring for fathers to run a DNA test on their kids are forgetting and that is the KIDS emotional well being. As a father, have you considered the level of emotional trauma you will be putting your children to just by the mere thought of it?
How do you want the child to understand that the man he/she has been calling father throughout his/her life is not his/her biological father because one test result said so?
The problem is that the fathers think that DNA testing is just about them whereas it is very much more than them it is about the entire family and its survival. In the story of the man that hanged himself, no one is talking about his children who will live all their lives knowing that their father committed suicide as a result of finding out about their mother’s infidelity and this will kill every atom of love they may have developed for their mother and this will completely break whatever family ties or bond that existed leaving the children in everlasting trauma.
I am not saying that a man who has reasons to doubt the paternity of his children should not carry out a DNA test, I advise that for a man to ask for such, he must have concrete evidence which shows that the wife has been cheating. The truth is, the moment you cross that line by asking for a DNA test in your family, even if the result comes out clean i.e. you are the biological father of your kids, you must have succeeded in killing any form of trust that was existing in the family especially between you and your wife.
It is better to be sure before angling for such move that will never be in your favour. Let us look at it this way. If the man who hanged himself is still alive, I bet he would be regretting taking such a decision. Now dead or alive he would have been the one in pain because it would not be easy for him to understand that the children he has been toiling to carter for are no longer his meaning that one day they will surely want to see their biological father and that notwithstanding he would have been passing through serious emotional trauma which may lead him to an untimely death as he has already done. I must say that if you cannot run a DNA test when the child is still an infant then there is no need asking for such when the child has become an adult because the child’s emotion must be considered in all of this.
Whichever way you look at the scenario as a father you will understand that you are at loss in every way especially when the family is no longer young. So the recent clamour and calls by individuals especially single fathers and mums asking people to demand a DNA test in Nigeria should and must be carefully looked into so as not to destabilize that union called family because a lot of us truly believe in the family as a unifying factor in the society and world at large.
