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There comes a time in a man’s life when he leaves his mother, father, brothers and sisters to cling unto his better half and both are joined together by the bond of marriage. In this join, they are both meant to serve as companions to each other at all times and this union can produce offspring if they so wish. I am not here to talk about marriage per se rather I am here to talk about something that has become a strong barrier to the success of most marriages in this generation and the ones to come. The moment we lose the essence of the meaning of something, we will certainly not value it. I will try to make this post as simplified as possible because I believe that the essence of writing this is for us to understand it after reading it.
First let me make it clear to us that I am not a marriage councillor or professional of any sort but what I am talking about is my observation as an adult. If in the course of writing this post I make a statement that is seen as untrue, please I will gladly accept any correction which will lead us all to the right path. Thank you for your understanding.
First for us to understand this question, we must try to define what the word groom means. The word groom simply means to prepare someone or something for a future role or function. Let us look at it more closely. As a word, it means to prepare something right? Now let us look at it as regards marriage. Who is a groom? This is one question I have never thought of in my entire life not until I found myself in a discussion I had with some guys I performed with yesterday. I must say that one should not underestimate anyone when it comes to knowledge and intellect. After the church service, the instrumentalists and some of the guest artists were directed to a well-decorated room where we were all taken care of. In the process of eating and drinking, one of the guys beckoned on one girl who was sitting with other girls to come.
When the girl walked up to him, he asked the girl a question that caught my attention although I tried not to interfere in the discussion while the girl was there. The question he asked was;
“If a man wants to marry now, will you accept?”
The girl looked at him for some minutes and answered no which made him tell the girl to go back to her sit. As the girl left, I looked at the guy and asked him why the girl left with a frown on her face. He looked at me with all boldness and said;
“Don’t mind that girl she thinks that husbands are everywhere waiting for her”.
I asked him what he meant by that and with the same boldness he said;
“I am not ready for all this dating nonsense once I see a girl who is ready for marriage I will marry her”.
It was at this period that I had to voice out what has been playing in my heart. I looked at him for some seconds and said; do you think that this girl you called now is mature enough for marriage? As he was about to answer the question, I had to cut him short by asking him another question which threw him off balance. The second question I asked him was; is it necessary to know someone before getting into marriage with them? His response was;
“There is nothing to know before marrying someone, you can get to know the person as you are living together”.
This gave all of us sitting at the table the shock of our life and that made one of the guys who was quietly eating and has never said a word turn towards the guy with this question; why do you think it is called bridegroom? At this point, I became more attentive to understand the ideology behind the guy’s question.
I was moved to ask him for an explanation and he looked at me and said;
“The Bride is supposed to have been groomed by the man before marriage comes into play”.
When I heard this, it felt like a wave of knowledge flooded my mind and I felt like someone whose eyes have been opened. I looked at the guy that gave this response for some time and without wasting much time, I stood and extended a handshake to him which he accepted with all his heart. Every one of us on that table raised their invisible cap for the guy’s simple and precise explanation. Now, that was what led me to this post because I believe that I lot of people just like me do not understand why and what that word Groom stands for in marriage.
You may have known this or not but I want you to understand that in life we keep learning and relearning at all times. Let us look at the guy’s explanation. A Groom is meant to have groomed the Bride to at least 75% of what he wants as a man before he will step up to say will you marry me. This is not in any way to say that a woman should be seen as a man’s toy or pet rather, it is a statement that confirms that a man is not meant to marry a stranger or a woman he does not know anything about. He must have spent some time with the lady either as they were dating or during courtship. This will give him the edge to handle whatever might come out of the marriage due to circumstances or problems. I am writing this post because I believe that a lot of marriages are suffering today due to this simple fact.
Now, let me ask this question which I believe should spur our minds into critical thinking. Why will the man be referred to as the Groom if he is not expected to groom the Bride? We live in a world where marriages are facing divorce at every single and smallest provocation. This is caused by the fact that we have thrown away the core reason why marriage was tagged as a union between the Bride and the Groom. There is no rationale that a man will walk up to a girl he barely knows and propose marriage to her. Most times these see the light of the day because the man may have thrown some amount of money around the girl’s family making them mortgage their conscience and sense of reasoning. It is high time we began to look at marriage as what it should be otherwise we may end up having a generation where the divorce will become the order of the day.
Thank you for reading and please your constructive comments are highly welcomed.