The Bitter Pill 💊...

For instance, if you have never performed the type of work at your new employment, how can you be confident? Or how can you be self-assured in social circumstances if no one has ever liked you? Alternatively, how can you be confident in your relationship if you've never had a successful one before?

The rich seem to get richer while the poor continue to be the same fucking losers, at least on the surface, when it comes to confidence. After all, if you've never had a lot of social acceptance and lack confidence among new people, people will perceive you as clinging and strange and won't accept you.

The same is true of relationships. Lack of intimate confidence will result in unhappy breakups, embarrassing phone calls, and early morning runs for essentials.

And, in all seriousness, how are you meant to have faith in your professional background when it's necessary to have prior experience in order to be even remotely considered for a job?

How could you possibly expect to win if you've always lost throughout life? Additionally, you will act like a loser if you never expect to win. So, the sucky cycle keeps going.

This is the confidence paradox: in order to be content, loved, or successful, you must first possess confidence. However, in order to be confident, you must first be content, liked, or successful.

Therefore, it appears as though you are caught in one of two loops: either you are already in a joyful and assured loop, like this.

It resembles a dog that is chasing its own tail. Domino's may also order its own pizza. Even if you spend a lot of time mentally organizing everything, just like with your lack of confidence, you'll probably find yourself back where you started.

But perhaps we're approaching this the wrong way. Perhaps the confidence paradox isn't even a paradox at all.

Observing individuals can teach us a few things about confidence if we pay close attention. So let's break this down before you go out and order that pizza:

Just because someone has something doesn't necessarily indicate they are confident in it (huge amounts of friends, a million dollars, a killer beach body). Business tycoons who are completely insecure about their fortune, models who are insecure about their appearance, and famous people who are insecure about their popularity are all examples of this. Therefore, I believe the first point we can make is that confidence is not always related to any outside indicator. Instead, our confidence is based on how we see ourselves, not on any concrete facts about the outside world.

We can draw the conclusion that enhancing the exterior, tangible components of our lives won't definitely build confidence because our confidence isn't always correlated to any external, palpable assessment. If you've been alive for more than a few decades, there's a good chance you've encountered this in some capacity. You might not automatically feel more confidence in your professional talents if you receive a promotion at work. In fact, it frequently causes you to feel less self-assured. You may not necessarily feel more secure about how gorgeous you are as you date and/or have more affairs. You may not feel more confident in your relationship after moving in with your spouse or getting married.

Self-assurance is an emotion. both an emotional state and a mental state. It's the idea that you have everything you need. that you have everything you require for the present and the future. A person who is comfortable in their social life will believe they have all they need. A person who lacks self-assurance in their social life thinks they aren't cool enough to be asked to anyone's pizza party. This sense of deficiency motivates their needy, clinging, and/or bitchy behavior.

How to Have More Self-Belief

The simplest and most popular solution to the confidence riddle is to simply assume that you are perfect. that whatever you believe you would need to feel secure is already yours, or at the very least, that you deserve it.

However, this way of thinking—believing you're already gorgeous despite being a frumpy slob, or believing you're a raving success despite the fact that your only successful business venture was selling marijuana in high school—leads to the kind of intolerable narcissism that leads people to argue that obesity, which is more harmful to your health than smoking cigarettes, should be celebrated as beauty, and that it's totally OK to inscribe your name into the

Many people quickly discover that this is ineffective, so they adopt a new strategy: gradual, external progress. They read articles outlining the top 50 behaviors of self-assured people, and then they try to adopt those behaviors. They begin to work out, improve their appearance, make more eye contact, and practice firmer handshakes. This is undoubtedly a step forward from merely feeling self-assured and disqualified from the loser cycle. After all, at least you're addressing your lack of confidence by taking action. In actuality, it will work, but only briefly.

Once more, this way of thinking exclusively considers outside sources of assurance. And keep in mind that getting your self-confidence from the world around you is at best fleeting and at worst utterly insane. Therefore, external improvement is not a long-term fix for the confidence puzzle. And it's much worse to think you have everything you could possibly want and to delude yourself into thinking you don't lack anything. The only way to have true confidence is to simply learn to be at ease with your shortcomings.

The biggest lie about confidence is that it has nothing to do with being at ease with our accomplishments and everything to do with being at ease with our failures. Think about it...