As an African child from the eastern part of my country Nigeria I was born into a world full of norms, traditions and a whole lot of cultures that I am obligated to obey and live by. To someone from the western part of the world, these things may sound and look like a fairy tale because our way of life is not of the same origin. I am talking concerning the manner of children upbringing in the African context.
I will use myself as a case study in this article because I was born and bred in the African way. I may not be able to remember all that happened to me while I was growing up especially as a baby but I will be able to highlight the way my parents trained me. It is a well-known fact in Africa that the child is not only the child of his/her parents rather he/she is seen as the child of the community and this makes it impossible for the child to misbehave even if his/her parents or ward are not around.
If a child is born in a family, the women will announce his/her arrival by making a specific kind of jubilant noise which comes in form of call and response and this jubilation echoes so loud in the community that even those who may have gone to the streams to fetch water will hear of this great news while on their way coming back or as they are still at the stream.
From childbirth, the family begins to inculcate these norms and way of life in the child although this task is not left alone for the immediate parents of the child. The community becomes the Childs first point of call when it comes to relationship. As the child grows up, he/she will be made to join his age grade as a way of relating to people of his age so that he will understand that life has stages.
The child who is still within the age range of 5 to 9 years cannot be seen mingling with people above his/her age range and this is another way to instil respect for the elders in the life of the child because he/she will never feel free to play or mingle with people who are above or below his age range.
Now as the child grows up, he begins to understand that with or without the parents being around he/she must not do or go against the norms of the community because once that happens, any elderly person around will not hesitate to reprimand him/her instantly and to buttress this correction, the parents of the child will extend a heartfelt appreciation to the elder who reprimands their child. I remember the day I broke the calabash while my parents were away, it was our neighbour who scolded me so much that I had to run away from the compound and while this was happening I thought that if I tell my parents of how this elderly neighbour scolded me that they will get mad at him, but I was wrong.
When my parents returned home, I was asked to go and call the man and in my naivety, I rushed out thinking that my father was going to caution him for scolding me in the manner he did after I narrated my ordeal in our neighbour's hands. When the man got to our house, I was inside listening so carefully to hear when my father will caution him but lo and behold my father beckoned on me to come and as I got into the sitting room, this same man whom I thought my father was going to caution was happily drinking palm wine with my father and immediately the man saw me, he instantly commanded me to kneel and as I was still trying to understand what was happening, my father gave him his cane and asked him to flog me again. It dawned on me that I cannot misbehave even if my parents are not around.
That was how I grew up with the understanding that I cannot misbehave whether I am in the home or far away from home. This style of upbringing was what made so many of my peers to learn how to be a good ambassador of our homes. One thing I learnt on that day was that I am not just the child of my parents alone rather I am the child of the entire community.
In the African culture especially in the Igbo tradition, a child is trained to be careful not to provoke his/her parents to avoid them laying a curse on him/her because the Igbos believe that the child's parents are his/her god and whatever they say on his/her head will surely come to fulfilment and that is why we answer names like Ikedi n'okwu onu (there is power in spoken words).
I grew up knowing these things and that has made me cautious of what anyone especially an elderly person says to me to avoid living a cursed life. Because we believe that there is power in the mouth especially when it comes from your parents or ward. An African child is expected to respect his/her elders without any second thought or option.
