It's Either Yes or No.

Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not ecstatic to be with you? Ponder this for a moment.

In dating, there is a gray area where feelings might be uncertain or one person may have stronger feelings than the other. This ambiguity results in actual, palpable problems.

"What do I need to do to get her?" she asked. "She stated she's not interested, yet she still flirts with me."

I know she likes me, but last weekend she didn't return my call. What should I do?

When he is present, he is kind to me, but it doesn't happen often. How does that make sense?

The majority of relationship advice exists to help people "fix" this murky issue. Say this phrase. Text her this. Call him several times. Put that on.

A lot of it becomes too analytical, to the point where some men and women spend more time dissecting behaviors than, you know, actually acting in socially acceptable ways. Many people become frustrated with this gray area and resort to needless drama, manipulation, and game-playing, such as "forgetting" a jacket at her house so she'll have to contact you again or "making" him wait until he's taken you on three dates before you'll sleep with him.

Some people who are stuck or upset may find these ideas to be brilliant, entertaining, or even reasonable. But the idea is missed by this dating counselor. You've already lost if you're in the gray region, to begin with.

Why would you ever be thrilled to be with someone who is not thrilled to be with you, let me ask you once more. What gives you the impression that they will enjoy being with you if they are not satisfied with you right now? Why do you try to persuade someone to date you if they don't try to persuade you?

How does that reflect on you? that you think you must persuade people to support you? Inferring that you wouldn't even want to be with yourself, here's a hint.

You wouldn't purchase a dog that constantly bit you. Someone who frequently deserts you is not someone you would consider a friend. Additionally, you wouldn't perform unpaid work. Then why in the world are you attempting to win over a woman who is unwilling to date you? Where the hell is your self-respect?

The Hellish Law No or Yes

In a previous blog post, the businessman Derek Sivers stated, "If I'm not saying 'Hell Yeah!' to something, then I say no." He used it successfully in the professional world, and now I want to use it in dating. And I'll call mine The Law of Hell Yes or No because I'm a bigger vulgar jerk than Derek is.

The Law of Hell Yes or No asserts that for you to move on with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must make you want to say "Hell Yes."

According to the Law of Hell Yes or No, for you to proceed with a new person, in whatever capacity, THEY must also say "Hell Yes" for you to do so as well.

As you can see, The Law of Hell Yes or No says that both parties must be excited about the possibility of engaging in conversation with one another. Why?

Because attractive, non-needy, high self-worth individuals don't have time for others who aren't enthused to be around them or by them. Oh, yeah.

The Numerous Advantages of Hell No or Yes

Some people might find this a bit utopian. The Law of Hell, though Yes or No provides a lot of concrete advantages for your dating life.

Don't let those who aren't really into you continue to drag you along. Put an end to the headaches. Stop hoping and wishing. Stop the inevitable disappointment and rage that comes next. Begin to treat yourself with respect. Instead of being rejected, learn to reject.

Stop pursuing so-so people for egotistical reasons. All of us have been there. We didn't particularly care for someone, but we went through with it because there was nothing else available. And we'd all like to get back a few of them. I'm done.

Problems with consent are immediately rectified. Your answer is now clear if someone is being manipulative, trying to get the better of you, or forcing you into something you're not sure about. Or, to quote a phrase I frequently use when discussing dating, "If you have to ask, then that's your response."

Create and uphold clear personal limits. Strong boundaries are important for long-term sanity preservation as well as improving one's confidence and attractiveness.

Know where you stand with the other person at all times. You suddenly find yourself constantly in conversations where people's intentions are clear and passionate because you're liberating so much time and energy from individuals you're not really into, and people who are not that into you. Sweet!

On many levels, The Law of Hell Yes or No may occasionally apply differently. Although you might be moderately enthusiastic to have sex with someone, you might be a "Hell Yes" for friendship. So, the answer is no. You might have no problem bashing someone's head in, but you would never consider spending any time with them. As it best serves your needs, applies the law to your decision-making.

Happy New Month to you all.