"Who pulls your strings? ” A book that helps you achieve control over your life
Do you feel surrounded by exploiters and stakeholders, do you feel that you are an exploiter and your rights are lost? It is time to put an end to this exploitation!
If you are someone whose day ends without any personal achievement of his goals, I regret to tell you that you are an exploiter! Therefore, it is important for you to familiarize yourself with the most prominent advice that Dr. Harriet B. Breaker to regain control of your life, especially if you have a desire to please others, or what the author called "the disease of satisfying others" and people's satisfaction is a goal that you do not realize!
The author remembers that until now she has not met anyone who has not been exposed at some point in his life to control and exploitation by another person, and she hopes that the book will change the situation of those who suffer from exploitation, and the answer to the question of who is pulling or moving your strings? To say: No one but me
Explaining that the attempts to control and exploit it may be from a life partner, family, work, friendship, and other relationships. In order to put an end to the control and exploitation of others, you must know that when you submit to the exploiter, you weaken your self-esteem, make others demean you and this harms your physical health as well.
Pointing out that each person owns the key by which either the exploiter can be able to succeed or thwart his efforts. In order to disrupt the effectiveness of the exploiter's methods, you must change your behavior. Either he changes his style with you or searches for an easier target elsewhere, you will not change him.
Exploited people do not care about your feelings; Therefore, it will not help him to refer to him injustice or sadness about this relationship, so do not respond to the attempts to intimidate and threaten you.
7 personality traits that make you a target for those trying to control others
Desire and concern for pleasing others
The price will be your exploitation, there are mental trends that govern the process of seeking to please others, including that I believe that I have to introduce others to myself, that I always be happy, and I do not express any negative feelings, and that I never say “No” All this is like an invitation card Or an advertisement to control and exploit you.
Being captive to the desire to gain approval and acceptance of others
The exploiter here practices two steps with you, the first gives you what you yearn for, and the second threatens to deprive you of it, which is what drug traffickers do. If you are addicted to the habit of obtaining the approval of others, social life poses a constant threat of loss, and in romantic life the fear of his abandonment of you becomes the primary means of his control over you, And his rule over you.
Fear of anger, conflict and confrontation
For example, raising his voice until you obey him, and avoiding conflict indicates that these relationships suffer from serious problems and poor communication, as conflict can be dealt with constructively and will benefit the relationship.
Lack of decisiveness and the inability to reject
When you always say obedience and obedience, especially when you want to say no, you will eventually find yourself sad, leaving control of your precious time to anyone who asks for it.
You have an unclear sense of who you are
The exploiter doubles your identity more and more.
Low self-reliance
It means that you do not trust your judgment and the response of your actions, which leads to a weakening of your ability to direct yourself, and this appears in your tendency to ask others who know almost everyone in their opinion and advice regarding a decision they are about to make or a problem about to happen, or in hairdressing, Or something that takes a stand.
They may then need help from others to sort out the advice. Here you need to improve your decision-making ability and the skill to dispel feelings of remorse after a decision is made. Without the ability to rely on your own judgment and make your own decisions by serving as a source of self-advice, you will still be a target for exploiters.
The place to which you refer to what is happening and what does not happen
There are those who see that what happens to him is under the control of others and the cause here is external, i.e. external control and not under his control. Therefore, you must have an internal place of control, such as that the grades you obtain in school are under the control of your abilities and efforts. Whoever has an internal place of control is respected The self is larger and less likely to be exploited.
What kind of people could be your thread?
The Machiavellian Character
He is characterized by pessimism and suspicion of human nature, cruelty, and cunning in his behavior with others, and he believes in the saying that the end justifies the means.
The narcissistic personality
Having a strong sense of entitlement makes them insensitive to the needs and feelings of others.
Borderline personality
They have a tendency to use emotional blackmail which is a direct or indirect threat by a person to punish others if they do not do what they want.
The Dependent Person
They have an excessive need for others to care for and nurture them, so the owners of this personality deceive others and exploit them in order to gain their attention and make them take over from them making their life decisions.
The pretentious character
That is, he behaves in a "theatrical" way in expressing his feelings that are not sincere or that he pretends to be feeling, and this characteristic plays two roles together, who seeks to control others and the person who is exposed to it.
The character who is aggressive and passive
The most common tricks used by the character are procrastination, stubbornness, waste of time, deliberate pretense of incompetence and frequent forgetfulness. For example, if he is asked to attend a social event, he agrees, but he will show his resistance by being introverted and sullen, and when the other party becomes in a state of distress because of this behavior, he will express surprise at his reaction, so he in short deceives others and controls them through his passivity.
Nervous personality
She is a character who suffers from speed sickness, they are interested in doing more things in less time. These characters are interested in maintaining control over the surroundings of her life, including the people in this environment.
Anti-social personality
People with this personality only care about themselves, are arrogant, and show little concern for the rights of others.
Addicted Person
The addict is known to lie, as drug or alcohol addicts control others, and exploit them with their harmful habits, and people close to them try to do everything in order to get them to stop addiction.
How you are controlled and exploited
By activating one or both of the drivers the gain or loss either promises you to gain something or threatens to lose something. And the gain is through temptations such as money, love, acceptance, power, influence and other arms of control. And in the opposite loss, such as loss of money, loss of status, loss of employment.
Methods the scalper uses to gain control of you:
Gravity style
For example, he praises you until you do what he wants or stop what he does not want, tries to be loving and asks for what he wants, gives a gift before asking what he wants, tells you that he will serve you if you do what he wants.
The silent treatment method
He doesn't respond or ignore, stays silent, or refuses to do something you love unless you do what he wants.
The method of coercion and coercion
For example, shouting insults, threatening everything in order to do what he wants.
Persuasion style
He explains the reasons why you should do what he wants, or he asks why you should not do what he wants, indicates the good things that will result from your doing what he wants.
A regression to childish behavior
Anger appears furrowing his brow until you do what he wants.
Self-deprecating method
He leaves himself vulnerable to being belittled, so he does whatever he wants, demeans himself, or acts with humility and humility, so you will do for him what he wants.
When to be under control and exploited
In times when you are undergoing a process of redefining your identity, such as when you are in a transitional phase, such as when you move from childhood to adulthood, when your life undergoes a positive or negative change such as marriage or losing a job, and when you think about changes in your life such as the decision to divorce, and when you are exposed. For a loss or when you are in a period of uncertainty and uncertainty.
The author reminds that there are ways to control, which is positive reinforcement, which increases the likelihood of repeating the behavior that you praised for it, and negative reinforcement in its forms of silent treatment, intermittent reinforcement and punishment do what I want or else ... and learn from one experience in a traumatic way, such as touching your hand with fire.
Resistance or ending the relationship to get rid of control
One of the aforementioned methods of resistance is procrastination in order to gain time, for example, something asked of you, say I need some time to think, or I cannot give you an answer now. Practice saying these phrases and keep in mind that you have the right to think before you commit yourself to doing anything and do not interfere with The exploited in a dialogue about your need for more time to think, and no matter how much he tries you to repeat the phrase "I need some time to think" and do not expect that you will be calm and confident in yourself the first time you do it, you change your behavior from submission to resistance and rest assured in the end your negative feelings will turn into Power, freedom, and pleasure.
The author ends the book by correcting the way of thinking that makes you an easy target with beliefs that make you a difficult target, and finally, always pay attention to what the exploiter does, not what he says.
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