The most important aspect of personality that is most needed is to stand with it to make up for its deficiencies or defects in the part related to trust. Because if a person lacks self-confidence, he will not be able to achieve any achievement, and his presence in life will be without any value mentioned.
First: the power of self-confidence
Every person has confidence in himself in a certain way. There is a person who has confidence in himself and he speaks with people, with his wife, or with his children. So each of us has confidence in a certain thing. The person who says that he does not have complete confidence is incorrect, so what happened was that he focused on something that he lacks confidence in, and then began to generalize the matter to say: “I do not have confidence in myself”.
If a person lost his self-confidence, he would live in extreme fear, and he would feel that all people are better and more important than him, and he will live in the shadows of others, and he will suffer from frustration and psychological pain. That is, self-esteem, which comes before self-confidence, will be disturbed.
As for the person who enjoys a degree of confidence, we find that he does not suffer from fear, and his eyes look confident, and through his eyes he feels that he is saying to you: “I am sure of myself that you will never be able to affect me.” He is not affected by external influences or others, because he knows very well where he is going, and he knows that this confidence can overcome his challenges with it, so with confidence it can overcome the impossible.
"You are the one who makes the impossibility present and makes it surround you. If you decide, think, plan and act, then there is no impossible."
Second: Trust challenges shocks
In the beginning we will ask where does self-confidence come from? And where will the owner of self-confidence arrive?
The self-confident person finds he moves in a certain way, thinks in a certain way, and breathes in a certain way. Whatever happens, he is the one who wins in the end.
The person who thinks in a healthy way definitely knows where he is going. He knows what his goals are and what things will lead to these goals, and he will say to himself: “Whatever I fall, I will stand again,” and when he reaches what he wants, he will see what is further from there.
And the power of self-confidence has a huge meaning. As soon as you say the word self-confidence, the self-concept is spoken. Then the self-image that will connect us to self-esteem.
For example, speaking in front of an audience is one of human fears, such as fear of failure, the unknown, objection, speaking and mockery, and you can overcome it by returning to the past, then changing the perception of reality in the past, then live the new experience, then give it strength, then do the process of innovative imagination.
"Imagine yourself in the future in a difficult situation, and you are completely unbalanced. Repeat this more than once, and you will find that the body and the mind begin to follow the new programming.
Therefore, when a situation comes to you that you are afraid of saying "I cannot," say I do not want, because if you really wanted to do something, you would do it, and you can, just trust yourself.
I asked one person: What would you do if you had a big problem? He told me: There is a Chinese person who asked him the same question and he said: "It does not matter, what happens to me unless he kills me will make me stronger."
Third: motives of confidence
1. Self concept:
The self-concept is a word that includes your perception, your values, your habits and the meaning of things to you, which 90% of them arise before the age of seven. Collecting the language in order to go to the world and meet them in this language.
And when he finds out that people speak a completely different language from him, I do not mean the difference here in the type of Arabic, English or other language, but the difference in customs and values. Hence, friction appears in the art of communication because each person defends his values, and defends his opinion. Everyone has things that have a different meaning.
It may be in my concepts that understanding is important and nervousness is rejected, and in the concept of the other, nervousness and quarrels are normal.
1. 1. Features of the self-concept:
The self concept has three basic characteristics:
It is acquired: Because it comes from programming, we earn it from the father and mother, then from school, then from friends, then from the media, then from ourselves, then from our social and family surroundings. So there is programming that has happened to you. So, since the self concept is acquired then we can change it because it is programming.
It is regular: it wants to remain in the same place and does not want to move to another place, so it is defending itself “so it is regular and defends itself.” Once you get the self-concept and you get language, meaning and perception, you enter a region called the “comfort zone” or “Safety zone” means that everything has to be in this zone, and if you leave it or make any change in your life, you will resist harshly because this differs from your comfort zone. In this region, a person feels safe, because he has an income that makes him live well, has the house to house, the work he seeks, and has achieved what he aspires to ... and this safety zone I call the “dangerous zone” because if a person is satisfied with a high degree He will not exploit his capabilities, because he does not know why he is exploiting them .. He is happy .. Why then is he bothering himself? Consequently, he will enter the routine into his life, and frustrations and psychological pains begin, and we find many people who have all the means to make them happy in their lives, but they are in fact miserable and mentally ill. They say to themselves: “Why do I change? In motion and change, but he stopped at a certain point.
If someone changes his home, for example, he will feel insecure and unsafe in the first period, also changing work for a new job, although the new job may be better than the first job, but the person at the beginning will feel insecure and unsafe, because he found himself out of the comfort zone.
And when you ask a person to make a decision, by your request you took him out of his comfort zone, and when he gets out of it, he must come out in his own style, and in his own way, not in your own or your own way, so no one can change anyone.
So you have to collect information and expand horizons to give things a new meaning and make people think, decide and act, and when you do that you will find people learning that.
One of the main problems between parents and children is that they want them to do a certain thing. In fact, as long as a person loves and desires to do a specific thing, he will succeed in doing this thing because every person has his own self-concept that he owns, and this concept is extremely powerful and this concept contains the programming of this person.
But if a person does something while he is forced to do it, then that thing is outside his beliefs and outside his goals. So I must change on the basis of my concept, not on the basis of someone else's concept.
It is dynamic: it means that it is constantly striving for improvement and reaching the best, but on the condition that this improvement is in his personal sense and not in the sense of someone else. This is because a person grows up with his achievements, and this is his basic requirement. Achievements make a person feel that he is progressing and that he enlarges and develops himself. Achievements make him feel that he has a goal in this life, so it means dynamic, meaning that he is constantly moving, but on the condition that this move is in his self-concept, but if it conforms to another person’s concept, it will not succeed in continuing.
Therefore, it is imperative for a person to be in constant movement and development, and to help himself to make decisions, and not to say there is no more time .. I have grown up to make a change in my life. How can we bring about a change in the self-concept?
We have said that the self-concept is acquired, and the question now is is the acquired thing can change? The answer is, of course, yes, because it is originally placed by a certain person, such as the father and the mother, for example, and it can change and I can change it in a manner that is compatible with me. First of all, you have to know that the opinion of others about you does not, and does not, and will not refer to you, because this opinion is based on the values, system and thinking of these others, not your values ... nor your thinking .. nor your understanding of you. You and I and everyone are a miracle of God, so how can a person judge another person?
Therefore, you must accept your capabilities as they are and accept yourself as they are, and from here another stage begins, which is not to criticize anyone. Just by criticizing another person, this means that you say to yourself, "I do not need my abilities ... I only criticize you .. I do not need to do .." I only blame .. I do not need to magnify myself .. I do not need to do anything at all, I only blame. " In this case I am telling my unconscious mind I do not need you .. I blame and I will be the world champion in blame.
2. Ideal self:
Each person has an inner ideal about himself, everyone knows himself well. The ideal contains five pillars and parts, namely:
The spiritual part: to have an inner ideal, you know well what you want.
The health part: You know what you want and what your problems are, and you know the nature of your health.
The personal part: You teach your psychological appreciation and you learn how to achieve it.
The professional part: You know in which areas you will succeed.
The physical part: Learn where you want to get yourself.
For example, with regard to the spiritual part, almost every person knows what he wants, as well as the healthy part. There are some people who know very well what they want, but they do not know how to achieve what they want, and because these people cannot reach their goal or do not try to reach, they begin to compare them with others and this comparison will result in blame, they will blame their luck and blame people.
When a person does not reach what he wants, he will reach the stages of frustration, anxiety, tension and depression, and the people around him will see that they can reach this thing, so he begins to compare and then blames himself, and in the end he will criticize, and beware of falling into these things because if you start with them, you will have reached a big problem.
And the big problem: It starts with three basic things:
Comparison: Compare yourself with people, and know that you will be the loser because you are comparing yourself to something that you are weak at.
Criticism: After you finish the comparison, you will start criticizing everything and criticizing others.
Blame: Then you end up blaming others.
These three things are extremely dangerous. If you reach that stage, know that your self-ideal is turbulent and tense, and you must correct what is inside you.
3. Self-portrait:
Every person internally has a picture of everything, so we have two eyes with which to see the outside world. If you look in the mirror, you will only see external things and you will not be able to see the internal things in your body even though these internal things are the real world that represents more than 90% of your capabilities.
You cannot see your energy..you will not be able to see your liver or your heart..you will not be able to see your mental capabilities such as your intelligence, patience, or inner love..but you will see your outward appearance, so how then do you judge a person that he is a failure or that he is weak or that he is strong By the outward appearance?
What happens in the self-image is that between your eyes there is a third eye that goes inside you to see your inner image that you drew about yourself some time ago, and this internal image is only present in the brain, so the person sees only from the outside, for example a fat person sees himself from the outside as fat and tries To reduce his weight and do the work of the diet in order to try to change his external appearance, reducing food or refraining from it completely so that it is like people who have a harmonious body, but his third eye sees the inner image that he is still fat, so he remains as the fat person and no change occurs to him.
So self-image is extremely powerful and dangerous. Therefore, a person must see himself internally, and if he is able to see himself internally in the new form, then he will be able to change the inner image of himself, and as long as the one inside has changed then the one outside will change.
4. Self-Esteem:
Self-esteem is the way you see yourself in terms of your feelings and feelings about yourself. Self-esteem is your self-esteem and your sense that you are satisfied with yourself, and do you love yourself, and in it we say that a person must love himself and himself, because self-love is not selfish and it is a wrong concept. Loving oneself means accepting yourself as it is, and saying to God Almighty I accept the gift you gave me as it is.
And lack of self-acceptance leads a person to two extremely dangerous basic things:
The first thing: negative behaviors: as it happens with a person who feels that he does not have self-esteem, and he feels that he does not appreciate himself because he has not been appreciated by anyone before. For example, a young child who wants to speak is told to be silent, do not talk, this child feels that he is less than the world and grows up with this feeling, and because he feels that, he wants to grow up in himself, so he compensates his love for the world with other behaviors when he grows up, including smoking, including drugs, including things Many he does not need .. and this is all because he wants to replace his self-esteem .. replace his love for himself .. he wants to fill the gap that is inside him .. to fill it internally .. I love myself so I buy things for myself.
The second thing: Weakness of personality and social fear: When self-esteem weakens, personality weakness results and social fear results, which is the person's sense that he is inferior, so he feels that he is less than the present and prefers to be silent, so he cannot speak in front of people, and he does not raise his hand, for example, to speak in lectures, He wishes to speak but he will feel that if he speaks there will be someone telling him to shut up.
Therefore, you must accept yourself and exploit your capabilities until the last moment of your life. You must work and use your time well, sleep with a reasonable amount. Do not waste your time sleeping a lot, you will sleep a lot when you lose a life and you will only have sleep. You should use every moment as if it were the last moment of your life.
5. Personal accomplishments:
After the self-concept, then the self-ideal, then the self-image, then the self-esteem comes self-achievement. Every person wants to have an achievement and any person suffering from depression feels that he has no achievements.
Your question to yourself: What do I want? It takes you to the future, and why do I want it? It gives you the reasons that push you to achieve the goal, when you want it, and you put the time factor in mind, and how do you get it? It gives you the capabilities and means, and when you say, "I can achieve the goal," you strengthen your self-confidence.
Focusing on your goals gives you achievement and mental energy, and whenever you are flexible, you avoid negative feelings. For example, emptiness activates negative emotions.
"Thinking and focusing on one thing only makes the brain reach the stage of negative generalization, so the brain focuses on a specific thing and then generalizes the matter, for example a person is upset about something saying that the country is all bad. If a person generalizes, he will feel that he has not achieved any of his accomplishments. Psychologically, generalize and exaggerate the matter so that his feelings are also amplified, so the person must know what is really troubling him and start treating it, so he goes from generalization to specification.
Fourth: Among the examples of achievement
A lady came to me and said to me: I do not have any achievement in my life, and this lady was about 60 years old and people outside loved animals very much, so I told her: Do you like animals? She told me yes, very much. I told her what you think if we announced a small advertisement that would not cost you more than ten dollars in all the country's newspapers. In the advertisement we say: “Whoever has an animal that wants to get rid of it calls this number.” And then we publish another advertisement in it. Buy an animal that calls this number. "
You have to be successful in distributing the animals, for whoever has an animal and does not want it, you take it from him and give it to whoever wants to buy the animal.
Indeed, she did that and was taking 20 dollars from this and another 20 dollars from this, and today this lady earns more than 200,000 dollars a year because she is busy with animals and is happy with them because she discovered something internally .. It is an internal achievement.
Every person has an inner achievement .. Every person whom God Almighty has given something inside of him, if he puts this thing inside him, he will be miserable and he will feel depressed and tense, and he will feel wonderful when he exploits it, and he will exploit it when he searches for it and searches for it.
And know that if someone before you was able to do something, then you are able to do this thing because the person before you is not better than you, and its time will be better, but if this matter was not done by anyone before you, then you will be the first.
Fifth: the physiology of trust:
There is something in the body called the physiology of confidence, so we find that a self-confident person has a laugh that differs from others. Even his breathing and movements have a shape that differs from others .. his internal thinking differs from the thinking of others.
The first thing that you have to do is to change the physiology of your body because the body will change if it changes, and therefore thinking will change, and when thinking changes, the body will change. Reverberate with human energy and regain your self-confidence.
Sixth: Leave the banana and go
In Africa there is a cage known as (the baboo). When hunters want to catch the little monkeys, they come in a cage (the babo) and put a banana inside it, so the monkey enters the cage by itself and catches the banana. The cage is completely on him and remains confined to the cage after that forever, as he chose to hold the banana and leave his freedom, and if this monkey wanted to get out from the beginning, he would only have to leave the banana and go out, but he kept holding it and he did not want to leave it, for he loved himself while he was holding the banana .
Unfortunately, many people hold a banana and forget that it is the reason for closing the door behind them.
So, one of the very important things for a person who wants to have self-confidence is to think first, then start making simple changes in his life .. changes that make him move out of the safety and comfort zone and move from the place he does not like and move immediately to the place he wants to be and fly and set off . And sometimes a person needs someone to pay him a payment, so God Almighty sends at the right time someone who tells him: There is a rebel inside you who wants to set off .. Why are you silent ?? The time has come ... Watch yourself ... for your energy ... for your capabilities, which as we said that if you arrived in a country that would generate electricity for a week, then you have a mind in which 150 billion mental cells need only 5,000 years to write them .. You have muscles if you put all together to tighten those muscles 25 Tons.
So with patience. Accept yourself completely, whatever the challenges and circumstances, you are not your behavior, your challenges, your feelings, all of these are life activities and reactions to them.
Whatever the opinion of people and influencers, accept yourself .. Create an inner self-image for yourself as you achieve your goals, and be confident in yourself and your limitless abilities. Learn strategies that help you use your potential, thereby strengthening your belief in your abilities, capabilities, ideas, and goals.
