Struggling to survive, to complete my education, to get a good job, to look out for my family, to get a brighter future, to not let my parents down. These are the things that weigh me down and out basically everyday. Everyday comes with different decisions tabled out and waiting to be taken, worked on and accomplished with little to no time to think things through. I've got to be on the move every single time or risk being left behind. The odds of breaking forth and standing out seems to be a little off the grid.
Sitting back and reminiscing over my course of actions during the past months has brought a harsh reality on me. I've insanely developed a behavior that might be the best or worst thing ever in my life. Being shaped by the travels of life, I've been blind to the fact that I might as well be called another person because of who I'm becoming, subconsciously displaying attributes that are not akeen to me. That could be termed as growth. What actually fueled the growth I'd ask.. The struggle?
I developed a trait that I wasn't aware of, not until some days ago. How does one get so focused in getting a better life and notices little to nothing about their personal life, probably health inclusive? So, back to my new found trait.
I'm not one who, back in the day, cared much about the things people went through in their life's on a daily basis. I'd hear about the crazy things that happened to people and be like, that's on them, then I kept moving, on to my next big thing I'd think to myself. That's not the case anymore, I've been subconsciously sucked into people's life and what goes on around them so much that it hurts me when they get hurt. All these happened and I wasn't aware!! Is this a good thing?
Growing too sensitive to others pain and suffering, worrying about others problems when I've got my own problems still, hurting over people's misfortunes and all, what possibly brought about such change? What have I missed? Where did I go wrong or right? I can only imagine how much I have been focused on myself alone that I've forgotten how to care for others. Forgotten that people need love and care and attention to get them through difficult times. That being able to help even when I myself am facing a downtime is essential to being human and remaining so.
I've had tears run down my face a couple of times in the past month when listening to horrible recounts of the travails people, good and bad, all go through , and I want to think of it as a recall into humanity. The selfless love which should be part of us all. Something we all were born with, and that which we should give out freely. I've chosen to follow the path of my new trait, hoping to see that it cultivates and becomes a subconscious part of me.