Most of the problems in the world today are related to relationships. For instance children not getting along with parents, parents not understanding their children, wives not respecting their husbands, husbands not loving their wives, citizens disappointed in politicians, politicians care less about citizens. Everyone on the surface of the earth today has one form of challenge or the other which can be wholly or partially attributed to relationships. Relationships can build or destroy you, wound or heal you, make or break you, bring out the best or worst in you.
There are different types of relationships, but this piece focuses on romantic/love relationships leading to marriage.
No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one shelter and weather the storm together. The three-word sentence “I love you” has been the ignition of nearly every romantic relationship, lovers proclaim it to each other at every slightest opportunity. If a dollar was given every time lovers say “I love “, the Forbes list will be longer than the river Nile. Most times people in a romantic relationship do not know the implications of love, little wonder why the same mouth that proclaimed love at the beginning of a love relationship goes on to release venomous utterances on the one it claims to love, the same mouth that kissed goes on to curse, same hands that caressed now punches and slaps. So lovers, where is the love?
Most people in love relationships will tell you to love is all that matters, is that correct? They can only be right if they have a clear understanding of what love entails. So when lovers say “I love you”, what should they bear in mind?
First of all, understand that true love is way more than kisses, hugs, sex, or public display of affection. Emotion is featured in true love but it is not the foundation of true love. True love is a CHOICE. When you say “I love you”, what you are saying is “I choose you”. Loving your partner implies choosing to enjoy their strengths and endure their weaknesses, being hopeful and helpful in a partner’s fight against weaknesses, and being the best version of yourself for your partner’s sake. The euphoria of premature romance can make all of these sound easy, but there is nothing easy about true love.
The most important advice to people already in or trying to enter into a romantic relationship with marriage in view is to know and understand the dimensions of true love. These dimensions include:
PASSION: This entails a compelling desire towards your partner, a display of enthusiasm towards the goals, and growth of your partner. It is the ability to face the vulnerabilities of your partner without being ashamed of him/her. Passion for your partner should be the fire that drives your relationship. For your relationship to succeed you have to believe in your partner with such a passion that it becomes a reality.
COMMITMENT: it is the willingness to give yourself, time, and energy to the one you claim to love. Commitment transforms a promise into a reality, it is a proof of proclaimed love. Most love relationships fail not because of desire, but because of a lack of commitment. When every other reason for loving your partner disappears, commitment keeps you from hopping on the next love train.
PLEASURE: it implies satisfaction, enjoyment, delight, and gratification. The holding of hands, short walks in the park, long walks by the beach, numerous hugs and kisses, camping in the woods, vacations in the Caribbean, visits to the candy shops, couple’s massages in the spa, and the list go on. At the thought of the pleasure dimension of love, you just want to fall in love if you have not. However, if love revolves around pleasure alone, it becomes nothing but emotions.
SACRIFICE: this is where you separate the men from the boys and the women from the girls. This dimension of love will not only demand your sweat and tears it will also demand your blood. This is likely the most difficult aspect of love, the junction where even the most established lovers crack. This is the point where you ask yourself which crown you are willing to cast down and cross you are willing to pick up for the sake of love. In my opinion, this is the line between love and true love. In true love, you sacrifice time, energy, money, ego, and yourself when the demand is made.
So if you want true love consider these dimensions, be ready to abide by them, be ready to express them, and insist on their reciprocation because true love is a win-win carousel, not a one-sided see-saw.