Fear Of Leaving Home.

Do you also use to have that unexplainable fear when you are about to travel or have a journey to a far far place or is it just me? It is so inexplicable, with the heavy breath on your chest and something just sitting there on your throat that you can't get out.

I just hope I'm not the only one.

The reason for me to this fear is the journey that I have been thinking of and looking forward to, a journey that is fast approaching, a journey which might keep me away from home for a long period of time, a journey that I'm not sure where I am going and where my destination is, a journey I have been waiting for and eager to make but now I'm scared to even start preparation for.

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I have been like this since I was young, so young. I remember when as a kid when my mom wants to travel to see her mom in kaduna state. She would be begging me to join her on her trip but I would so ardently refuse and will always choose to stay at he with my dad. I have been wondering why I'm like that, why am i being like this. But really,I don't know for sure.

I know I used to be scared of the road, due to the multiple terrible accidents I used to hear about, the attacks by armed robber at that time. But now my fear has gotten even worse.

Yeah! Worse.

You might be thinking that may be because I'm about too old to be fraud of a simple journey, but no, it has actually gotten worse. I mean why wouldn't it, with the increased rate of accidents and what's more worse; banditry and kidnapping of travellers? Yeah I think I have the right to be worried a little.

The fact that I hate driving for more than the time of my comfort, is mostly due to my distrust on the the driver himself, the other passengers, the road itself and any other factor that will make me feel uncomfortable. You can say I have a big trust issue. Yes I do.

Even though nothing is going to happen. I hate when I put the fate of my life in someone else's hand. Is uneasy.

Now out of the road and safe. My next fear is I might be going to a place where I don't know a single soul, an absolute stranger in a strange land. How terrifying.

I never imagine going for NYSC could be this terrifying and discomforting even before you start the journey. What if I went there and can't take good care of myself alone or can't even find a comfortable house to shelter myself in, what if i won't like the place and the people or worse what if the people won't like me. What will I do? That is the question I have been asking myself for long and still haven't found a comforting and finalising answer.

I really don't want to go to a place where I will be in the need to relocate to another place, as I don't want to serve close to home and yet I'm scared of going far. What if I fall sick there, who is going to look after me? Poor me.

I still can't believe that I could stay away from home for about a year and all alone. Imagine that to someone who has never spent more than a week alone away from home. Funny and pitiful, right?

But what i am hardly hoping and praying for is to go to a place where I will develop my talents and skills and improve my experience, I guess that is all what a youth corper are expecting to achieve while serving. Amen to that.

Conclusion

Whatever the case I just pray that it all go well and by the Almighty's grace I will enjoy wherever I happen to find myself. It will all be perfectly well.

But I just wonder which state in Nigeria will serve me more as corper? I would like to know your opinions.

Thanks fellas...

February 1

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