To my first love❤️

It has been three years since you walked a different path as you flew to another school to continue your Senior High School. While I stayed in the same school, left with unsaid feelings.

I guess i really am missing you. I've been having strange dreams lately. Well, it's not the dream that is strange but things that are happening in it. I know I should be happy about it cause there is always you in it and atleast there, I could see you. But I can't. I just can't. Countless of dreams of you this quarantine but I'm still in pain. Why does it all have the same story line? Why in every dream you're in you have to be an asshole. Ive been trying to approach and talk to you but all I get is a poker face and a short response. Finishing the conversation immediately. Leaving me out of topics to talk to you. Then the next thing I'll see is you, turning back, walking slowly away until I can no longer see your back and even your shadow.

I know that I shouldn't be bothered by a dream. I've been telling my self that it's just a dream. Why would it matter to me when in reality we are actually in good terms. We even talk late at night sometimes. I'll be teasing you or the other way around. We even comment with each other's post. But after dreaming all of this for quite numerous times, it only make me wake up with a sad feeling inside. Then I'll think maybe the universe has been telling me all this time that I should stop keeping my hopes up. If an "us" is an impossible thing in my dream land, how much more in my fucked up reality. Maybe we're only meant to be friends.

'Ya, I don't know if you'll read this but I just want to tell you that since first year I liked you already. I know that you knew from the start. And maybe it's the reason why I like you until now because even if you knew you still remained as my good friend. You we're not bothered by a gay liking you. You're not bothered that our classmates knew that I liked you. You stayed the same person that i liked. You were always at my side.

I don't really know when or will this feelings fade. However, I just want to thank you for making my HS life extra ordinary. Thank you for being the first one. First one who gave me a piggy back ride in public. First to sleep with (Retreat ni guys HAHA). First one who hugs me everytime we're hanging out ( it's even funny how we'd talk while you're in my back hugging me while you're holding my hands). First one who held my hand for almost a whole subject period. Above all, thank you for being my first love.