"If only it was a dream"

Those are my every day prayer and wishing that clock would move its hand backward so I could go back and change the decisions I have made.
We met at the much unexpected time, he was broken and I am in the midst of searching myself. I believe it wasn’t an accident because I know God has a reason for it. A reason that I wish I could understand. I wish he could explain to me why I fell in love with a person whom I could never call mine.
We first met when I was searching myself and trying to stand on my own, looking what I want and what I really wanted to be. I first saw him looking at the window and waiting for his turn to apply for the job that I get, unconsciously I talked to him. Got his name and tried to encourage him there I found a new friend. We don’t have a constant communication while waiting for the job to start until such time where we both started as an employee and him as my co-worker. We were just friends and really I consider him just a dear friend. I know his background, his problem and concerns and even personal issues. We were that close hoping to relieved all the pains he’s been feeling I was always there comforting him and encourage him not to stop and he’s doing the same thing to me, in short we become each other’s strength and support. 1 day he started saying that he liked me at first I was shocked but later I laugh at him because I know he’s not serious about it but days later he kept saying it but I never take it seriously knowing he didn’t mean it.. I tried to avoid him but maybe I was too confident that I will never fall for him until one day I realize that I already fall for him. I know I shouldn’t and God knows how much I tried not to fall but mistakenly I did until we come to a secret relationship, a relationship which made me happy and blind about the consequences that 1 day he will wake up and realize that it wasn’t me whom he truly love… it’s still her! The reason of his tears, the reason why he always woke up in the middle of night, the one he kept on longing, the reason why he can’t say those three words “I Love You” sincerely AND THE REASON WHY I CANT HAVE HIM AS A WHOLE. I know that day is coming where he’ll be gone for real.