But are positive illusions always beneficial? Some evidence would seem to suggest that ignoring our partner’s negative attributes can be detrimental to both psychological and physical well-being. Psychologically, for example, our partners may find it difficult to constantly live up to our idealised perceptions of them. Indeed, having to perform this idealised version of themselves may cause resentment over time (Murray et al., 1996a). Rather, individuals often want their partners to see and understand their ‘real’ qualities, and with time grow disillusioned with ‘groundless flattery’ (Swann et al., 1994). On the other hand, positive illusions may also cause insecurity in ourselves. Perceiving our partners as more attractive than ourselves may provide an ego boost (Swami, Furnham et al., 2007), but it may also result in jealousy when new suitors arrive on the scene.
Some studies have also highlighted a possible link between positive illusions and detrimental health and sexual behaviours. Galligan and Terry (1993), for example, found that condom use was strongly mitigated by romantic ideals in heterosexual couples. Similarly, McNeal (1997) found that idealisation of romantic partners was a significant negative correlate of condom use among gay couples: the more individuals idealised each other, the less likely condoms were used during sex.
Studies such as these suggest that the gap between risk knowledge and safe sexual practices may partially be accounted for by positive partner illusions. If we ignore our partner’s negative behaviours because they are inconsistent with our idealised view of them (Johnson & Rusbult, 1989), this could stand in the way of healthy sexual behaviour.
Conclusion
The way we perceive our social worlds goes far beyond objective accounts of reality: such perceptions are also shaped by the mind of the beholder, and this can have very real effects on the way we initiate and maintain relationships. Insofar as positive partner illusions enhance perceptions of the relationship, they may also be self-serving in that they improve self-esteem and well-being. On the other hand, positive illusions may also foster a false sense of security, leading us to believe that our partners really are better than they appear.
To be sure, much work remains to be done in understanding positive illusions. First, there is some evidence that women may be more likely to hold positive partner illusions than men: Murray et al. (1996b) found that, in dating couples, women were more likely to idealise their partners. Other neglected factors include the cultural context in which positive illusions take place: Swami, Graziano et al. (2007) have suggested the partner-enhancing illusions may be stronger in collectivist cultures that emphasise responsibility to social groups, in comparison with individualist cultures that emphasise uniqueness and individuality. To date, however, studies examining the impact of these factors on positive illusions are scarce.
Ultimately, all relationships are a product of the dialectical relationship between hope and doubt, wanting to believe and knowing the truth. In the absence of a strong relational foundation, positive illusions that are proven empty will likely cause disappointment and frustration. For psychologists and practitioners, the key will be in understanding the ‘adaptive’ nature of positive illusions, but also in teaching couples to accept themselves for who they really are. Love may be blind, but it should sometimes be taught to see.