After my last post, I was very thankful for the feedback and support I got. I thought I would list out some of the life lessons I learnt along the way in how to survive in a corporate setting. All of these I learned whilst working 10 years for one of the biggest banking groups in the UK, from the customer facing role and frontline phone staff, up to higher middle management, then back down to lower a level for stress.
In the business world, no one cares. You may think you are irreplaceable, but you aren't, no one is. If you become sick, they will show the government mandated level of concern, but will be looking to replace the cog in the machine. I learnt this by almost being fired for having excessive hold times. I pointed out it was due to my viral bronchitis, which they insisted I take no time off for because there wasn't anyone else they could find to do my job. Not a valid reason. The only reason I got through that was they had forgotten to sign one of the notes off, rendering it inadmissible. I made sure to photograph it and send it to the union before they could do something nasty.
If someone in the business world says doing something will be good for you, or good for your career, it might be. But I can GUARANTEE it will be better for them. Spending your own time or "volunteering" to stay late to get more sales leads? That may show a can do attitude, but it also increases the performance of their team without signing off more overtime. Taking on extra responsibilities? Yay, less for them to do, and they don't have to pay you more. Moving to a new department? You are probably underperforming and they don't want you lowering their bonuses, or you are annoying them or their favourites in the team. Volunteer day? Unless they pay you, it is a free day where they can milk endless amounts of PR. " Look how caring and in touch with the little people we are. "
Any volunteering I did by myself in my own time. They once sent a nasty piece of work that wanted to photograph me and a few members of my team who had genuinely volunteered. I shut him up when I told them they would need to sign off overtime for all of us if they wanted to claim we were doing this for the company. Ooh I got into so much mud slinging and "mediation sessions" for that, but did not care. They could not point out the part in any of our contracts where we are supposed to work for them for free.
When you are working, your are selling large chunks of your life to your employer for cash. Do not give it to them for free. If they want you to do something out of your contract, insist on getting paid first. You may make enemies, but honestly do not work for a company that insists on stealing your life away.
If someone in corporate says "there are no current plans to do ... " You can bet they will be having a meeting later to discuss that exact topic.
Similarly if someone comes in and starts using corporate catch phrases, distrust them immensely. If someone know what they are doing, they will be able to explain in normal language.
If they come in and start using " think outside the box ", " synergise " , " crushing the target" , "pushing the envelope" etc etc etc. It means they have NO CLUE about what is going on. They've lied and slimed their way to their current level, and are hopelessly loss, pretending to be busy and go getting. They will be the first to go to another job, usually at a higher pay, and usually leaving a ticking timebomb behind they where responsible for. Here is a good cheat sheet of corporate lingo If anyone uses these phrases, start paying attention to what they are actually meant to be working on. I can guarantee you they aren't working on that, or doing it right. If you keep a casual track, you usually earn brownie points from at least the IT team for pinpointing what they messed up when everything explodes.
Following that. If you have ANY concerns or worries, ALWAYS put it in writing. Company email preferably since they are by law required to keep a copy for at least 5 years, up to 20 depending on the type of information included. Do not send it outside the company since that can get you into trouble, but at the worst you can print it out and keep it on site in a secure location. Do not rely on just spoken word, even if it is in front of managers. You do not know if they are on your side or not, and all it takes is for them to say they can't recall and you are in trouble.
If some corpo slime bag starts trying to dump work on your lap that is not yours, reply and CC their team leader and your team leader into the conversation. ALWAYS leave a paper trail. I lucked out here. I did this right from the beginning, otherwise I would have been blamed for a major system outage that a not very pleasant man was responsible for. He insisted I was the one in charge, but went very quiet when I could pull up all the conversations. He was fired that day and I believe charged for fraud ( he had lied on his resume that he could actually deal with the banking systems. He was literally a used car salesman with a high school degree, not passing computing. The HR also got into serious trouble for not doing their job )
Always join a Union, but not the one they introduce in the beginning. The one they introduce is the one they least object to. Refrain from signing up there and then, and a little later ask the people who have been around longer ( the ones with a world weary look ) which unions are representing staff in this company. I joined the first one. They did not care. They got a subsidy from the company, and as long as the company did not break the law, all was good. I got let down badly with my bronchitis. They only stepped up when I literally sent the head of the union the picture with the unsigned reprimand. I switched to the union that was always required to bring a lawyer along otherwise they would not be allowed on the premise. They fought tooth and nail against all the unpaid overtime, the grey moral practises, the dodgy but still technically legal stuff. Best value monthly subscription I had.
Take full advantage of any and all benefits available. It may require you requesting the terms and conditions from HR, or getting a booklet sent out to you by post, and only replying in written correspondence. Make sure you grab and wring out all you can. It may take some persistence, but I easily added another 30% to my wage with all the benefits they where trying to hide. Salary sacrifice schemes, company pension contributions, staff rate mortgage, lending, health subsidies for dietary requirements ( which I did need ) cycling schemes, Heck, even a small amount for the washing of your uniform. All the schemes the government help pay for. Remember, the company wants to pay you as little as possible, and there is a massive difference between " the benefits are available" and "we actively promote".
The higher you go, the less you trust anyone. You run into these corporate lingo types the higher you go, and if anything goes wrong, the one thing they excel at is backstabbing and sh*t shovelling to try move it out of their responsibility. Picture the apprentice when they are all trying to shove each other under the buss. Yeah, that is EXACTLY what happens, just not in front of the big boss. It's in front of a lower level boss.
To this day I cannot stand watching the apprentice, it just reminds me of too many close calls and of people I honestly would not have given first aid to even if they were dying at my feet. The reason being I would be afraid they would try to sue me for not doing it 100% correctly or fast enough. Thankfully my trusty emails and printed copies kept under lock and key for the "misplaced" emails when dealing with anyone vaguely related to IT made me far less of a target than all the other scum.
And one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. DO NOT ANNOY THE IT TEAM. Get on their good side, invite them for drinks, give them sugary bribes. If something goes wrong they can usually fix it in a microsecond, or at least point out someone who can fix it quickly. Any new equipment is installed straight away, and set up so you only have to log in. If you annoy them, the amount of things that can "coincidentally" go wrong with emails, log ins, sign ups, tracking sheets, performance tracking software, site access cards ( for me and the entire team ), urgent power point presentations etc etc is a nightmare. Any new ordered equipment is swapped out for 2 or 3 generation older equipment and dumped for you to set up. They are the true bosses there. No one higher up knows anything about the running of the computers. I was no slouch at computers, but this was another level for me, everything is custom programmed. There is a reason IT is paid so much to mostly sit around. If something goes wrong, you can try complain to their team leader, and you might even get one person in trouble, but I can guarantee you nothing will work properly again. I eventually had to publicly apologise in front of the entire IT team and withdraw my formal grievance against the one staff member before things magically started working again. Painful lesson learned. Weekly sugary bribes supplied.
Wow, that went on for longer than I thought. Why the hell was I there for so long? Looking back that was the some of the most stressful and unhappy days I had, and I was almost a bankrupt alcoholic depressive before this. I guess money talks.
If this helps even one person it will have been worthwhile writing it. A job in the bank may seem glamorous or having some form of prestige, but I can guarantee you it is far more stressful that other normal jobs.
Thank you to memeguy for the wonder header picture that sums it up entirely