Realization. . .

Last time I wrote about depression and mention about trying to kill myself. I honestly still think about it until today. But this night, after having our dinner, my mother suddenly talked about a suicide made by an OFW which she saw from Facebook. We then talked about our known people and neighbors which also committed and attempted suicide. While they talked with my father , I just listened and reflecting to myself. My father mentioned about the bereaved family who really suffered from the loss of their love one. Then it hits me. What if I'll do it? How about them? What would they feel? How about my kids? We came from an average family, my brothers were already married, my father is a farmer, my mother is housekeeper, what will happened to them in the future?. Then my mother said "Na unsa mn tawon na sila uy, unsa kaya na ilang huna2. Kita gani nagpait karun wala mn ta ka huna2 anang butanga, sila mga dalaga ug binata pa, hay kasayang na lang jud" ("What really happened to them, what were they thinking. We also suffered but we never thought about doing it. They were still young, what a loss."). Then it hit me again. Im still young, my family have a high hope in me. My kids are young, they still depend on me. They also suffered, but never thought of doing it instead I saw them living with a positive mindset.

That is why I came to my realization after our talked. Everyone of us have our own problems, it just depend on how to handle it. I still have my family and kids whose enough reason for me to live no matter how hard life will be. From this moment, I'll be focus on building myself instead of destroying it. YOLO.