When I Lost Myself

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All I ever wanted was to be with you. All I ever wanted was to be right beside you.

I tried my very best to do everything I can to prove to God that I'm worthy of being with you. Yet He still doesn't allow us to be together. I loved your kids like mine. I loved your parents like mine. I loved your peers just as mine. I understand your feelings more than anyone could. I made every cent counts, I gave what I could even if I'm left with nothing. I swallowed my pride and say my sorry even if I'm not wrong. I supported you any way I could think of. I loved you more than anything.

I walked longer miles just to be with you even if I'm really not used to it. I ate foods that makes me vomit just so  I could be with you.

I loved those moments when you patiently wait outside my workplace and I'm always having too much excitement to go home with you that I always cut my fingers with my knife and end up having bandages when I go out.

But still I never really give too much attention to the pain the wound gives, as I am so much hyped by the fact that were together even for a short period of time. We hold hands ,sway those arms like kids, who the hell cares about what other people will say, I'm just so happy to be with you.

I missed the long night talks. The way you urge me to share about my ex-girlfriend and ending up getting jealous, yet your so cute when you pout your lips and don't say a word while I was trying to make funny faces, until you can't hold it anymore and punch me in my shoulders and giving me this tight hug and sweet kisses.

I miss those early morning talks while we drink our hot coffee while waiting for the sun to rise up in the balcony.

But behind all of our smiles lies a big drawback,  "She got me and THEY got you"... We were living on fantasies, we were never destined I guess. But I still remember that promise we made " if were not destined, damn destiny ! - we'll gonna make it happen" that's how foolish we are.

I just missed you so bad that it kills me.

Now I can't even hold your hand , I can't even wipe your tears of comb your hair while you sleep.

And what I miss the most is that "me and you" when were together ... So much different when were alone, That "me" when I'm with you.

All I ever wanted was to be with you. All I ever wanted was to be right beside you...Now I'm caught between reality and dreams...

...now I lost myself.

[End]
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