What is bullying?
If we talk about the phenomenon of bullying, more and more common in schools, then in this case we must understand that “it is an aggression made by a child or a group of children, towards another child or group of children. But not every confrontation between children means bullying. It is, in fact, an intentional and repeated action. There is an imbalance of forces between the two actors, one of them is in a position of power, while another is the weak one. The bully can smile or show satisfaction when he teases the other. He seeks conflict to manifest his dominance ", explains Adriana Mitu, trainer in the development of children's emotional intelligence.
We live with the impression that bullying actors mean the "aggressor" and his "victim". But in most situations there is another actor: the witness / witnesses.
The opinion of Gaspar Gyorgy, president of the Multicultural Association of Psychology and Psychotherapy, is that in the case of the bullying phenomenon we cannot discuss the "aggressor" and the "victim", but rather the "two victims". Because the one we call "aggressor" is, in fact, a child who "does not know how to express his emotions", and "our responsibility, whether we are talking about parents, teachers, health professionals, by media representatives, is to get involved and not allow such behaviors to be done knowingly. ”
An "aggressor" is not born an aggressor
It is very easy to fall into that trap, in which we put labels: this is a "bad" child, and the other is a "good" child.
In most situations, the aggressive child was also the victim of aggression by parents, siblings, relatives, teachers or other adults.
Children who are abused have an increased risk of abusing other children and, later in life, tend to abuse their own children or elderly parents. As adults, they are more likely to have physical and emotional problems.
It would be appropriate to see the person who resorts to bullying with compassion and to understand that, by punishing him, we will not stop that behavior!
It is about a child who has to fulfill a need. It is about a wound, a trauma, a low self-esteem.
How can we help children who tend to be abusive?
"To create contexts and conditions in which they can dialogue with their peers, with those they have treated in a negative way, following the 3 steps of emotional intelligence: mirroring, validation and empathy." mirroring - "I repeat what my classmate said" (the person who assaulted repeats what the other says about the experience) validation - "yes, I admit I did something that was very difficult for you" empathy - identifying the emotions that the other felt ("you probably felt fear, terror, anxiety, anxiety, insecurity, distrust, etc.") says Gaspar Gyorgy - president of the Multicultural Association of Psychology and Psychotherapy.
About victims of bullying
For a start, it would be good to "identify" those children with "victim"
children different from others, who have certain peculiarities
smaller,
of a different nationality,
from placement centers,
heavier or weaker children,
more shy,
coming from poor families,
with lower social skills, no friends,
inexperienced in sports,
considered nerds
with disabilities or mental health disorders
those who are considered to be "different" by the group.
Witnesses to bullying
There are people who take part in the act of bullying. They can only be "spectators", they can be "defenders" of the victim or "accomplices", those who support the aggressor are students who experience the feeling of insecurity of group status, so they stay close to the aggressor to be accepted by him. - determines them to be "accomplices is because they want to avoid the risk of being assaulted and become, in turn, victims).