Beautiful Pain: A Letter to My Irresponsible Father

There are so many times that I caught my mom awake in the middle of the dawn. She always think about the problem. Paying bills and she can’t go back. As a daughter, I can’t help but to feel pity and sorry for my mother. But I am so proud of her, she’s always been so strong and she never show us her weak side. Sometimes she gets tired and I saw her cry. I wanted to help her so badly, but I am still a student and I’m still useless.

I’m still useless. That is what I thought before knowing this platform. I am honestly happy to be a part of this community and these less negativity and just wholesome people, it made me really happy.

This Article is dedicated to my Father. I wrote a letter but I never sent it once to him.

This is the letter I never sent.

Date: August 2, 2021
Title: Beautiful Pain

Dear Papa,

I love you with all my heart and I know you knew that from the very start. You’ve been my hero, my savior, my protector from thunder and rain. More over that, you are also the one that cause me this beautiful pain. I’ve been thinking about you way a lot recently. Do you ever feel the same way as me? 

It’s hard to deal and fight this pain with bruises in my heart. It’s hard to breathe because I love you from the start. It hurts to know that I can rarely see you while your getting older everyday. And our love as a family continues to grow cold each day.

I wanted your answer, I want to know the truth. Do you love us or not? Please tell me the truth. If so, How did we end up here? Is all the memories from the past lost? Why did you completely disappear?

I have all this 21 Questions inside my head. Ever since then, I’ve been carrying this around even when I’m laying in my bed. Why did you leave us like this? Are you that selfish to fulfill your own happiness? 

I’ve seen my mom struggled to raised us and feed us every meal. And seeing her like that is just so hard to deal! You should be the one that responsible for this. But since I’m the breadwinner, sure I’ll find a way to work for this. I’m looking for a way to help mom pay the bills. And where are you now papa? Laying and Chill? 

As I’m writing this letter, I remember all my memories I had with you, I feel my heart cracks into two. But even with a scar, this little butterfly still flew. I feel this Beautiful Pain because of you. 

But I just wanted to let you know that you will always be in my heart. I will love you forever and I can’t hate someone that I love from the very start. 

I miss you. Please come back 💔

Love, your iring ^^

Letter No. 1 : Beautiful Pain

“Iring” which to be translated in English is “Cat”. When I was a little girl, no, actually, even when I grew up. My papa used to call me iring and pinch my noise then chuckles.

“Mura man ka’g iring”-Bisaya

“You look like a Cat” - Translated to English 

I’ve always been a “Papa’s Girl” because he never punished me. It’s always been my mom that punished me and I will always run and hide behind my father’s back.

I wrote this just to express how I’ve been feeling towards my father, this situation that we have is getting even worser. I don’t hate my father but I just wish he stayed. Our life had been a completely mess ever since he left. There’s too much to say but I can’t handle the pain anymore. I’ve dried so many tears so I think it’s already enough.

I am sorry for being so emotional. I didn’t mean to. Thank you for understanding me.

Article No. 36

Thank you for reading and continuing to support me ♥️

Author’s Note 

I can’t handle it anymore. Even if I don’t want to wrote this. The pain in my chest keep burning and every lit aches so much. It hurts.