My first Relationship in general and me. I wasn’t until I was 18yrs old, in my first relationship, it was her first relationship as well. We met online when we were both 16, and in high school. We met on Yahoo Chat at the time. She lived in Denver Colorado, I lived in Atlanta Georgia. We started talking actually in 1999 when she sought computer help from a crashed installation of Windows 98 on an old Pentium Gateway 2000. Every afternoon I would jump online to say hello and to ask about her day. I became her best friend online at the time. One day out of the blue she stopped me in my tracks and said that she had began having feelings that she never experienced before when she talked with me. Little did I know that I was having the same feelings as time progressed. In the School year of 2001 - 2002, I had become ill, from an insect bite that almost costed me my left leg. It was a Brown Recluse, spider bite. I was hospitalized and out of school, couldn’t get online for almost 2 weeks. She began to start sending me letters, via usps, cards. To help me recover. Our friendship was very strong, very much valued upon each other. I loved her like it was no one’s business. As I started my recovery by Senior year of High School, I started sending college opportunities for her to attend college in my home state. I even paid for her Application fees, and dues, to get her into a prominent university. I did all this because her guidance counselors in her school district were not being very supportive of her. She was one of the Valedictorian’s in her class and in her school system. I knew that she was better than some if not most of the people in her class, who were granted full ride scholarships for Colorado School of mines. She was an amazing Artist, who could draw, shade, create natural arts right before my eyes. Of course I didn’t meet her in person until Christmas of 2001, and it was her choice to actually want to meet me. So she took a Greyhound Bus, from Denver to Atlanta. We spent the week of Christmas together, we were inseparable, she was my best friend, by the end of the week, she started becoming sad that she had to go back home. I promised her to the best of my life that after High School we would be together. She ended up getting into Savannah College of Art and Design when we graduated. All our hard work prevailed. However, she hid a dark past, which became apparent when she moved from Denver. She was into Self-harming herself, bruising her arms and legs. It didn’t help that she suffered from depression and anxiety, and every time she was around her family it was getting worse. By the way, That Christmas, I took it upon myself to spend $500 that I had saved for her an Engagement ring, she didn’t have a coat, so I gave up my Letterman’s Jacket to keep her warm so she could get home Warm. She said yes, when I proposed to her. I know that you are probably thinking that we lived happily ever after… Well that would have been the ideal, but no. As she entered college she was enthralled, new cultures, new studies, new stories. I would travel to Savannah every weekend to pick her up, so she could come home to do her laundry, her homework, to have a break from the school. We would spend time together, going on dates, etc. Some of my family she adored, others she started hating with a passion. It didn’t help that I had a brother who was always “right” about everything, including religion but couldn’t for the life of him understand that his own wife was a terrible person and at that time they started living with me in my house. His wife started stealing her identity, social security number, credit cards, money and clothes from her. My brother wouldn’t do anything about it. More and more we started I started fighting with my brother about things until her and I-moved out of our home together. My mother was a Senior Citizen, and could only do so much because she was on her Social Security, she lived with my Stepfather in his house. Well this carried on until her Senior year of college, at that point in time, she started learning about who her dad was, more so, he worked all of her young life. She was always in the care of her older Brothers who used to abuse her. That’s where lots of her family Trauma came from. As she became more aware of what and who her dad was, He wasn’t as bad as she thought he was, or originally thought he was. He offered her to move back home to Denver when she graduated College. About her junior year of college, she stopped wearing her Engagement ring, and began wearing it around her neck on her necklace, which I thought to myself at least she was wearing it. Well one weekend, she took off the necklace in our car and the next day it was Gone. Well, I said okay to that, because I offered to pay for the ring to be resized but she said no. That the promise was the promise to keep my heart protected. Her father at anytime didn’t know that we were engaged when she was in college. She kept a lot of her personal information private between the both of us. It was like she was so nonchalant about everything. Well, when she Graduated college, instead of heading back home immediately after, she invited me to go back home with her. To her father’s house we go, I immediately moved into her dads basement, she went back to her bedroom which was above mine. We lived together like this until one day I had gotten a call from my siblings telling me that there was something wrong with our mother. At that point, after seeing my mother I knew something was wrong. She started acting like she didn’t even know who I was, long story short, she was getting dementia. I had to come back home to Georgia for 6 months to figure out what I could do, or not do, because I was the youngest of 10. At that moment all I could do was contact my Aunts at that point and beg for them to help me, help her. Finally, those 6mo, I had to return home to Colorado, but things weren’t going like they were before. My Ex wanted her own home, which her dad didn’t want me to come back out there. So I stayed with some friends on their couch while I worked, she worked, so we ended up getting a house together. The only condition was that she wanted all her friends to move in with us. They never helped her out with anything. Dishes, food, but they paid rent. They wouldn’t even keep their rooms up, or keep their pets fed and watered. At that point I saw her truest self, and that was something that I would never forget. Around 2015, my mom ended up passing away, and I had to be in Georgia for that, and was here for about 3mo before she passed. My ex was telling me that I shouldn’t be here. With all that I went through mentally, I broke as well. I have a long term habit that over the years I had to deal with. I learned that it helps me cope with anxiety and control my pain. Anyway, I head back home right after my mother was put into the grave. She wasn’t there for me, she started becoming distant, in 2017, she accused me of cheating on her, which was something that I didn’t believe in. I could never do that to someone at that time in my lifetime, when all I wanted was a marriage and a family. Needless to say, I didn’t speak a word to her for a month when she did that. After that month, I let my words out. I asked her, was that what she thought of me? She started crying hysterically, and apologizing for saying what she said a month earlier. I told her straight away, if you ever think that way about me again, I will be gone. I left it as that. Now, let’s fast forward to latter that year, she fell one day on a slip and slide playing with her nieces, and there was found a mass on her ovary. I prayed for her, with her, stood by her side through all the pain she had. I took care of her every single chance I could. Little did I know that she was plotting to get rid of me for good. Well her surgery was scheduled for May 2018, and I was extremely nervous about her surgery, moreover she didn’t want her dad involved with her healthcare situation so she asked me to take him out to dinner while she slipped out to have her surgery. I obliged as long as she was going to let me know how things go for her. She did. She was telling me about how much she loved me and how much I was the best person she ever wanted in her life in her corner. She made me promise to her that I wouldn’t tell her family about what she was going through. So as soon as she was done, she finally told her family that she had the strength that she had her surgery, that I was no where to be found when she had it. Which hurt like hell, next she told her family that I was neglecting her needs of washing her clothes, when I bought her detergent and cleaning supplies myself out of my own pocket. Which hurt, they weren’t cheap. Next thing I know is while she was recovering at home she was on a brand new laptop that she was talking to other men on. Because she was showing them her breast, and her scars, she slammed her laptop shut once as she was entertaining a few of them. I never called her out on it. About 2 weeks later, I came home to find a Cold person telling me that we needed to talk. She proceeded to tell me that she loved me, but was no longer in love with me anymore. Which hurt like Hell. I gave her 2 weeks to change her mind and afterwards I moved back home to Georgia. She has now since then, moved on, gotten Married, and raising their children. I was with her for 20yrs to be thrown away, still to this very day, never married or had children. I will be 42 in December.