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As I grow older, I realized many things and accept the realities of life. Im thinking in a deep horizon and imagine how my life will look likes in the next ten years. Do I need to change something? And what are those things? Loneliness filled my room as I can't clearly see the road ahead. Yeah we have our family, we have friends and people whom we trust. But what are the things that they can do for you? Is it limited? Or not?
I decided to woke up and do my routines, I prepared my coffee and food. Are you contented in day to day routines? What are your plans?
I stop for a moment and think the things that I need to accomplished this month of July. I decided not to focus about some complications and problems in my life since it will just ruin my mood.
This past few days, I faced several setbacks and I can't take it anymore. I need someone whom I can talk too and share my problems? But the question is to whom? My family? Though they are open but they are miles away from me and Im not comfortable to say it in phone calls. To my friends? Though they are trustworthy and love me, I know that they have problems too and I don't want to add up in those problems.
If you can still recall in my other articles I mentioned that I already passed my resignation in my position as a private teacher because of too low salary. I decided to apply in Public schools hoping that I will be accepted, but unfortunately Im losing my hope. To achieve something and fulfill the things that you want you need to give up something. But do you think that my choice is the right one?Maybe yes and in some point no.
Though before I make this kind of decisions I think it hundred times and I bet in the side where I can see some hope in my life. Im not expecting anymore for more, now Im gathering my energy to stand again and find a good solution. That's the best option.
Going back to the question? Do you think that your family and friends are enough? In some ways they are enough but there are still part of your life where you cannot depend on them and live with your own. Just like now Im alone and no one can ease this loneliness aside from myself.
All through my life I always bet on something, in some options I chose after I made a decision. But I know in myself that Im always unlucky in a betting game. I take a risk and decided to fight and not to surrender. And that's we can all do, after the bet you need to wait until the dice will stop rolling and that moment will tell the outcome of your decision. There's two options only its either you lose or win.
I hope that I can still find the way back and reflect on different things. I ask myself, do you want to teach again? And Im not sure about that. Now I just want to rest and relieved all my stress in the past three years? But do I have a right to take a rest? Mentally, emotionally Im too tired, but I can't say those words because I have no right to say that. My family are expecting for something about me I cannot afford to disappoint them even if Im worn out already. Its sad but that's the reality of life, you need to keep going not for yourself but for the people who believes in you and love's you.
I always read some post and advice, "its ok not to be ok" yeah that's true and Im looking forward to say those things in myself.
Disclaimer: The images I used is solely edited in Canva.