Forbidden LOVE

Note: This story was based on my personal experience.

When I was a kid I know in myself that something is wrong with me. With me as a child I do not know what gender or sex means. My playmates during childhood days are mostly girls. Im not ashamed during that days but when I entered the first grade in elementary I discern something the difference between girls and boys. What color is for boys, what color is for girls, what toys should I buy and many more. In my first grade my classmates started to bully me as they say that I am gay, as a kid of course what will you feel? Ashamed right? Afraid and confused. As they started to bully me I distance myself to other people especially to girls, I am alone the whole elementary days. I am alone, afraid and confused. Afraid that my parents will scold me that they will send me away. I do not know what to do but because of fears I hide myself in the deepest part of the closet. I never felt the happiness that normal kids should feel, I am embarrassed to myself and to tell you the truth I ask God why did he let me ended in this kind of situation, but instead of wasting my time. I decided to enter the church and joined as one of the choirs. Through my stay I realized something, I realized that your character is the most important things that you need to protect that no matter what your identity is you should accept it and live with it. But I was afraid to accept it.

At the age of 7 I start to fall in love with a boy he is our neighbor, he is so caring, kind and never tried to bully me as if he is my brother. Aside from his handsome looks one thing that makes me fall in love with him is his kindness during that time he is 10 years old he is three years older than me.

My happiness fades away when I heard a news from him, his family decided to move in the city which is miles away in our province. I am so sad that time, I want to go with him, but how? What can I do?

Four years past and I already forget him. I am happy with my life as a teenager as a high school student, I've meet some friends but they do not know that I am gay. I hide this secret since then. My life changed when his family returned to our province, I thought that he already graduated in high school but I was surprised when he enrolled in our school as a third year student and during that time Im already second year high school.

Since he is our neighbor I decided to visit him and talked some things. We talked a lot of things and through that we became comfortable to each other. One time he invited me to sleep in their house, I accept the offer, during that night we watch movies and after that we decided to sleep he turn off the light and lie beside me, but during that time I can't sleep, even though the room is filled with darkness I know that we are facing each other because I can feel his hot breath in my face. Im am so shocked when he start to kiss me, of course its my first time I do not know how to react. But because of his guidance I follow the beat and that night I am filled with happiness.

After what happened to us I cleared something we agreed to be a secret lover, I am blessed because he is sweet though we secretly dated his affections to me is also hidden, he wants to publicized our relationship but I disagree. We fight for that but after I explaining something to him he understand. What do you think is the big issue that's why I am afraid to publicized our relationship? Its because of my father, I am afraid that my father will know that I am gay, I am afraid that people will mock my father because I am gay. My father is a respected barangay councilor in our town, thats why I keep my secret until now.

Do you know what's funny? No one in our school knows our relationship even my friends. He is my first in everything but we broke up, I broke up with him because of my fear to accept my true identity. We broke up last 2012 and that was my biggest regret in my life.

(Note: I do not own the photo I used in my story, all credits belongs to the owner.)