I'm always acting stupid, why I'm like this? never learned from any mistakes I've made, I always making actions repeatedly without predicting the outcome. I always entered in a situation that I'm not sure and in the mind I will regret all of it. I don't have decision making and I'm just relying on my instincts. I feel like I'm the most stupid person in this world. I don't care about the outcome, I just want to become happy and enjoy the things I do even though it will hurt others. I will tell you one of my stupidity, I was playing mobile legends and im looking for some girl gamer at world chat, I randomly follow girls even they have low ranks. I inviting them to join me in classic match then they are accepting it.
I have this kaduo which we played lots of games in classic, we can't play on rank because she's grandmaster while I'm at legend tier, we always playing classic until we became close then I always inviting her when she's online. We also having sweet conversation during the game and my teammates saying sanaol may jowa. Maybe from that moment she feel like I'm a good person. One time she chatted on me the word "I love you", I thought its just a playtime because I'm not a believer of love at first duo haha. She was good to me actually, she played mage type heroes then i will accompany him by using tanks to protect her. Maybe she was fell in love with my tank hahaha.
Until one day, I feel bored, I decide to find other kaduo on world chat then I found this girl which has the same tier as me. I followed her then we played together. She was good at playing Angela, in fact she has 61 winrate on Angela. One time she said she's downloading resources and her load will nearly expired, I told her to give me her number so that I can give her load. At first, she neglect my offer but i told her that its free until she accept it. From that moment, she was good to me, I don't know maybe because I gave her load. She always inviting me on classic until we became kaduo, ang landi mo self. She was good also then I found her cute, she had pictures posted on her album and I found her beautiful. I feel a little bit of attraction but I know she had a boyfriend already. This past few days, she was sweet to me, she's calling me baby when we are in game then I just ride her trip.
Until yesterday, my one kaduo asked me a question if she's my only kaduo. I know that she knew the truth because I feel like she was disappointed at me. I pretend to laugh then she asked me again, I told her the truth because I don't want to lie. She just said OK but I know she's hurt, I feel pity for her but its my stupidity to give her motive. Its my karma and I know there are lots of it to come, I'm prepared for those because I know its my fault. I know someday I will become a solo player again.
Another stupidity I made is, I broke two mangkok last night, my sister scolded me because I always breaking plates and glass. I always do a mistakes because im not focus on my actions, I don't know what is the problem because I was easily distracted by surroundings. I broke lots of things inside of our house because I was in hurry. Last night, I was worried on my switch statement because I do nothing on it. I feel worried maybe our professor will scold me, I have lots of thinking like I will not attend the class so that my professor will not mention my name.
Hopefully, today our professor told us that it will be our term test. I also feel like the destiny giving me too much favor but I'm not accepting it. I broke another mangkok yesterday and my sister scolded me. I can feel her anger until now, thars why I decide to buy new mangkok to replace the one I broke. It cost me lot of money but its ok. I also bought my soap and dishwashing liquid. I found them cheaper at shopee thats why I bought dozens of them. I wish I could fix myself because everytime I do an action I always making mistakes. Maybe because my mind is not there if I made actions, I always daydreaming without knowing that I made mistakes. Is this a diseases? I hope there's a cure for it.
