I Don't Know If I made a Right Choice

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I don't know if I made the right act, there was a girl which I admire a lot, I promise to wait until she became ready but a few days ago, I decided to stop communicating, I suddenly felt sadness in my heart. I always overthink and became more stressed. I thought that once I found a girl which I can woo, it will give me the inspiration to continue in life and grind more but the more I attached to that girl, the more it makes me overthink.

Honestly, I am so kind to her, I gave everything she requested except money since I don't like giving money. I admire her, she's my inspiration but also my greatest distraction. I do my task, I promise myself before to grind and remain positive all the time but seems like promises are meant to be broken.

I can't feel any reciprocation from her, I feel like she's the same as ladies I met before who only need my help and once they got what they need, they will never message me again unless they need another help. I know it's not a valid reason to let go but it affects my mental health, I think a lot to the point that I lack sleep.

That's the reason why, I didn't message her again, I made her feel that I am no longer interested until she blocked me. I didn't feel anything actually since I knew that it would happen. Now, I feel free to myself, I didn't think a lot unlike before, I managed to finish all the tasks at school. I manage to grind without any disturbance.

A lesson I learned, is not to jump into one thing that you are not prepared for, it's better to fix yourself first before fixing or helping other people. I know to myself that I love her. However, I need to fix myself first, I need to find a real motivation for myself.

I have plans already to do, honestly, I can feel relaxed right now and I have clear plans to do in the next days or weeks. I don't know if I made the right choice since my heart and mind were fighting yet my mind won since I choose what was better for myself.