Many people go through terrible shit in some part of their life and when they come out of it somehow they tend to act like it was all a choice and for me because I have been there through both I hate that idea. I have felt extremely ecstatic and shit sad and knowing that had made me realize that despite how much we try leading a hopeful healthy lifestyle takes too much. So if by any chance I find myself finally getting out of this shit I am gonna try with all of me to help the ones still drowning in the dark but first I need to help myself. Which brings me to another point.
HOW DO WE HELP OURSELVES? Do we just forget bad times like they never happened? Will we heal? Will we forgive? Do we make peace with the past? We don't have a fucking clue of what to do. I guess that's why we can't get ourselves out of the dark because none thought us where to begin. We need to learn how to let go of what makes us sick. For me at the moment asking help is my first step towards the path of healing. It took me self harm...near death experience...years and years of sadness...self doubt...self hate...too much self hate...waste of my childhood and teenage years...losing almost all of me...but for myself and mostly for the ones I love no matter how weak i felt and still feel asking for help is the only choice. No matter what people would say or what my demons whisper through my ears about my choice I will feel a bit comfort in knowing that this time I chose for me. This time I chose to love and fight for me.