Was this going to be easy? Did I for a second think this was going to be as easy as faking a smile? No,of course not. Did it ever came to my mind that I would wake upon a Tuesday morning and be able to do this without any harm done to my soul I had long lost? Was I in a million years ever lost in the thought of having any sort of power that could make me finish this tiresome road I am gonna have to battle (this one much harder than the past)? I do not think I am able. But I need to know what it's like to try to find light in the darkness not only surrendering to it. Most of the time I only let myself feel by that listening to it and doing whatever it asked of me no matter how much it drained me. I always carried the weight as it is...never known what it feels to put even an ounce of it off my shoulder one by one... I have to know. I have to tiptoe towards the healing path. If my second life was supposed to be versatile in his mind...somehow colorful then grey mustn't be the only color he used cause that wouldn't make him no different of a painter. If he is the almighty as they speak of then there need to be more and I NEED TO KNOW.