I was once a battered wife...

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Avatar for Ckami75
2 years ago

Everybody has a simple prayer and that is to have a perfect partner in life. Have you dreamt of having one? I once was told that my forever will come on the right time and it really did.

I met him when i was in my sophomore year, we were classmates actually. He started courting me then and we been boyfriend and girlfriend for seven years before we planned on getting married. I was hesitant at first since we just graduated from college and no stable job. But love prevails and we tied our knot on December 20,1998.

My calvary started when we live in the same roof. Two months after we got married, I discovered that he has a personality disorder. He became an alcoholic and everytime he came home drunk he always find fault in me. I 9thought that maybe it was just because we were still in the adjustment period.

Time came I got pregnant with my first child, he became violent and less considerate to our family needs. He worked still but always at a bar getting drunk with his friends and it really disappointed me. It was okey for me if he got drunk and sleep but all his frustrations in life was thrown in me, slapping me and always badmouthed me. He destroyed everything he came across inside the house. The tv, electric fan, cabinets, plates, glasses, flowers, toys even cellphones. Can you guess how many cellphones he destroyed all in all? Fourteen actually. My son and I used to hide under the table just to avoid him everytime he became violent. But as a wife I always tried understanding him and his behavior. I love him alright. It continued til I got pregnant and gave birth again the second time.

I thought everything will change but no. He was always on guard with my actions. I cannot go out unless important, can't work overtime for he thought I was having an affair with other men, can't visit my parents unless he tagged along, can't chat with my neighbor and many more. He hurt me even the children were around.Sometimes, he even brought a knife while we sleep saying that he can easily stab us to death if he wanted to. I was so scared for me and my kids that I didn't sleep the whole night. It caused me depression.

I did all what he wanted for him not to get angry.

Eleven years passed and the unforgettable moment of my life happen. I was being pushed to the limit by my husband. He came home drunk while i was eating and I invited him to join. I served him food and we eat silently together when suddenly I was being hit by a hard object on the head that left me numb. My husband hit me with a bowl full of food, tightly pulled my hair and slapped me at the same time for no reason. I was shocked. He even told me that he could actually kill me and my sons. Mothers instinct kicked in me immediately. I screamed help not for myself but for my kids. They were so young to experience such vile and harsh treatment. I want them out of the house at once and kept away to my husband. I didn't think of myself anymore. I saw my husband's eyes red, full of anger and as if he doesn't know me as his wife. He was a different man that I used to love. I run outside the street when I got a chance and saw my children out.

I was so down that time, everything boiled up in me, my pent up frustrations skyrocketed. I screamed and screamed for I felt hurt inside. I thought why he did it to me.That was the only time I let my bottled emotions go out. My neighbors were there at the street crying, sympathizing for us including some police personnel(not that I was aware of their presence at that time). My strength left me that I just sit there til I calmed down when the municipal mayor approached me for her house is just across us. She invited me to go with her and sit down at the seashore to talk. She was so considerate that she inspected my head for any wound and asked me if I would like to go to the hospital for check up. Thank God it was just a big bump and the mayor herself was the one who put ice on my head to reduce swelling. She said that she was not aware that somebody living around was a battered wife for a long time. She is an attorney by profession with masters in family code and was ready to help me. She said I could file an annulment or have him arrested for physical injury. She discussed the pros and cons of being separated and told me to think it over. My parents didn't know what was happening with my marriage for I know they will suggest separation. We temporarily lived with my in-laws. My kids and I didn't came home for two weeks, letting my husband have his time to apologize to us but none happened. With what he has done throughout eleven years, the respect and love I felt was compromised.

One thing I realized after that incident was that as a wife I must learn how to fight back specially when I was bullied by my husband. I was born again with strong determination that I will not let him hurt me and my kids again. I really prayed hard to God for us to be okey. I was thankful that I have friends who helped me overcome my struggles. I didn't file for annulment and even gave my husband another chance for I don't want my children fatherless. He changed little by little and achieved bigger progress when we transfered to our new house.

He became a responsible husband and father specially when my kids reached high school, limiting his interactions with his friends to avoid his vices. Our relationship became better. We usually communicate and have quality time with each other now.

There will still be misunderstandings, but we know we can overcome it for we have tackled bigger issues before. Now, my love and respect for my husband is alive again. And after 22 years of being married, I can say that finally I have my forever back. A more better and responsible husband and father of my kids. Every marriage is not perfect but it can work the way both of you want it.

This is my story, my life.

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Avatar for Ckami75
2 years ago