The next day...

Ah… I had a peaceful sleep.

I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night as usual.

I didn’t wake up with a start.

I have never liked to wake up even more from a dream. I don’t remember any dreams either. Or was it a dream what happened last night? No, it couldn’t have been only a dream. Now I remember everything. I also remember his silence and coldness after what I said. Wouldn’t we see each other over this?

And even if last night was only a dream, and if only I could go back in time, I would stop the time to live this dream.

Morpheus, oh Morpheus.

Make me sleep again

and lead me to my dream.

Oh Chronos, Lord of the time.

Make the time stop

for me to live my dream

only…

I have been home for five days doing what I usually don’t have time to do. My parents are been traveling, enjoying these long days away from the routine of a big city, and giving me room to breathe. It is so hard when they are here. I lose all my heart and the will to do anything. The long holiday is almost over and just now I realize how slowly these days passed and the day before the last has come and I only have today and tomorrow to meet him and everything could have happened earlier and these two days will end so soon… That’s it. Here I am with my uncontrollable anxiety, the result of a home of suffocating and dense environment.

Today is another day to me.

Today I don’t have much to do in my house. I don’t have to go the church. I won’t meet him on my way back. What will I do, then? All these days at home and I knew how to spend them very well. Today after yesterday I don’t know anymore. I do everything as I did on the other days, but today it is different. It is another atmosphere, another color, another heart.

Morning is gone, afternoon drags on, and then night comes. The hardest thing for me is to know he is so close… - yes, he works at the garage where we met. The garage is his and his house is beside mine, down the street, my wall next to his wall – yes, we are neighbors now.

***

When my grandparents passed away, my parents decided to move to the house they left. It was the most sensible and clearest decision my father ever took.

My grandparents’ house was always my house. I used to spend more time there than in my parents’ apartment. My grandparents’ house was the most incredible place in my universe – now I know how and how much I have always loved this place. I would play, laugh, sleep, eat and, specially, I was close to everybody I loved most there. Every day after I got home from school, I would run there with or without my toys, in fact, I didn’t need much to have amazing afternoons. I could play with my sister or by myself as I like best because I could do my expeditions and explorations around the land – one day I got in my head there was gold under the earth and I almost turned a small piece of it into a Serra Pelada.

The house land is rectangular and quite big. When I was born there were two houses and my grandfather’s joiner’s already, but it wasn’t always this way. First, my grandpa built the main house, which is in the back. Later he moved his joiner’s to the side of the house and, finally, the second house, kindly named by everybody “little house”, was built so that one of my grandma’s sister would live there. Still on the side of the land facing the “little house”, it was a space where everything was from fruit trees to plants and flowers of different types and colors. And in front of the house there was a garage extremely crowded with everything imaginable, plus my grandpa’s working material (wood), plus dirt, sand, stone and the dogs. When we moved, my dis so many changes that few things remained: the wall between my house and his.

One thing I loved better: I don’t know exactly when the first time I saw him was, I only remember he existed very early. He was the kind of boy who was always playing around. A few times, when I was at my grandma’s I saw him; however, I remember one thing very well: every time I got to my grandma’s, the first question I asked was

Grandma, what about him?

***

It is about 10 p.m. I stand in the window facing the gate to see him. I worry about being almost invisible so that he doesn’t see me; the window is far from the gate, but it would be very wise to avoid any kind of uneasiness. After last night’s few blunders, I’d rather not risk. I don’t know how he would react if he saw me.

I can’t say precisely what time I see him go by. It is a little late and I am in my pajamas. There is nothing appealing on TV, I decide to go to bed. As soon as I lie down, still for a brief moment, I think about him, but I don’t carry the thought on. This time, almost falling asleep, I wake up with a start because the phone rings. Gosh! Who is it? My sister? He? I rush to answer it

Would you like to come down here?

(My God, it’s him! Thank you, Lord, thank you Lord, thank you very much.) Sure. I will. Could you give me some minutes? I’m in my pajamas.

I knew you would be on your pajamas. A little bit more, I wouldn’t catch you up.

Yes… almost.

Ok. I’ll be waiting for you.

I get dressed in seconds so much is the urge to see him again. It never happens to me; it takes me hours to get dressed for anything. I grab my cellphone, lock the house and leave.

He was waiting for me. The moment I get there, he can’t stand the urge to kiss me. Then he grabs me in his arms and kisses me more willingly than the night before.

This is how it is today. I didn’t let you say ‘Hi’.

Ok. Hi.

Hi.

***

I hadn’t felt it for anybody before. Let someone get so closed like this… Not even my first love I let, on the contrary, I was so closed that until today I don’t know whether he loved me. Actually, I was so shy I couldn’t get close.

I fell in love with this boy very early. We were very close classmates, we studied in the same classroom, we sat side by side, we talked a lot, he cheated in my exams, we belonged to the same group.

In a conversation with friends about boys we liked, I confessed I was in love with him. It was a huge mistake. Everybody got to know about it, so did he.

I always believed he wouldn’t need to know. What we had was enough for me. If he knew what I felt for him, I would lose what I already had. Above all, I believed nobody had to fall in love with anybody. Even though I was in love with him, I didn’t give me the right to make him stay with me, I cherish the freedom to love.

After this revelation, together with my shyness, it was as if I built a barrier from which, from that day on, it would be hard for someone to get through.

***

The surprising thing is that he seems to understand me, and this moment is a huge changing to me.

And how good this moment is… Feeling him, having him here, being here… Everything I felt a few years ago is back here, and this time for real, not only in my dreams/desires. I feel I am complete now, fulfilled. New job and new life now. Nothing can go wrong.

It is late when merciless Chronos wakes me up making me take the blue pill of reality, an antidote to the red pill Morpheus had offered me before I left home.

I go back home with the feeling that everything is in its proper place now. But I am not sleepy. I go till the bookshelf. I spend some time staring at what I could read and, this way, my anxiety goes down and gives me some way to some rest. I find a book. It looks very old and its pages are yellowish. Perhaps it had been my grandma’s. I decide to read it.

I WILL LOVE YOU…

FOREVER

It was meant to be once upon a time

Once upon a time there were two kingdoms that lived in complete harmony. Not only by the affinities and conveniences of agreements and treats between them, but also by the enduring friendship between the families.

Both kingdoms lived side by side since the first members of each family settled in those lands. The matriarchs of each kingdom were the pillars: they ruled their kingdoms strongly, and the covenants made by them seemed to last forever. They built their castles, formed their families, and strengthened their bonds of friendship, more and more. Nothing threatened peace that reigned between them.

One kingdom had three sons and the other kingdom had two daughters. The princesses of the other kingdom were close to the youngest prince of one kingdom’s age. The other two princes distanced themselves at the age of the princesses of the other kingdom. But, one day, the matriarch of one kingdom died and the three princes’ mother took her place. The matriarch of the other kingdom then, approached the new matriarch of one kingdom. They were as one family now.

The princes of one kingdom and the princesses of the other kingdom were as brothers, specially the princesses and the youngest prince, who were together playing, talking or helping each other with homework whenever they could. The oldest prince started to be into the affairs of one kingdom, and the middle prince kept away from everything and everyone. He never participated in anything or the conversations when everybody was together, or rather, when one of the princesses of the other kingdom was around.

This princess of the other kingdom was pretty different from her sister. She loved books and movies, liked to be by herself and dreamed about a Prince Charming who lived in another kingdom far away from there. Her grandmother, the matriarch, used to praise her to the sky. Everything she had because she was a princess; everything she said because it came from a princess’s heart; everything she did because she had princess’s hands. And everybody looked at her and treated her so delicately because she was a princess.

The middle prince of one kingdom was further apart. He was so distant and closed that this princess of the other kingdom came to think he was bad tempered. All this because he was in love with her and he thought he would never ever get a look from her. However, what he didn’t know was that she was also in love with him already, and she didn’t know it yet.

They didn’t use to see each other very often, but when they met, magic spread and everything was silent, lit up and colored to make love happen. She realized he looked at her differently, but she was so passionate with the dream of finding her Prince Charming in a kingdom far away from there, she even forgot that beside her own kingdom there was one kingdom and that her prince was there, so close. She didn’t want him to get hurt and not to give hope for the one who was also a prince; she didn’t want to disenchant him.

She wanted so much from life, she wanted so much more from what her kingdom could and did offer her. And it wasn’t lands, wealth, treasures, crowns, titles… She only wanted to love and be loved kindly, intensely, passionately, deeply, truly forever. She knew quite well she had her family’s love, but it wasn’t this love she lacked. It was her half, that look with desire and tenderness, the company and friendship at all times.

Time went by, days, months, springs which made her hope flourish and believe that next summer everything would be different, but then the fall would come and everything would start to get old and without her being able to avoid the winter. And the matriarch of the other kingdom watched her granddaughter and worried that she wasn’t interested in anybody, only in books and movies and studied too much and had friends, but didn’t go out much and never had a boyfriend. The only one she remembered lasted no longer than a month. What was going on with her so talented, so intelligent granddaughter?

Have you sent for me, Grandma?

Yes, my dear. Sit down. Can we talk a little bit?

I see it is serious. Something serious?

No, nothing serious. But I’ve noticed you’ve been away. What have you done?

I’m not away, Grandma. I’ve only devoted myself more to knowledge.

I know how much you love books, movies, music, the arts. and all these are essential for a princess’s education. But you should get interested in someone

Grandma... Why don’t we forget “the princess’s thing” to begin?

You are a princess.

I don’t care about it.

I know, and we can forget this for now. Let’s focus on the other topic, then.

I knew it was serious…

My love, you know how much I love you and how much I want you to be happy.

Yes.

I’m not forcing you to anything.

He hasn’t turned up yet, Grandma.

Where are you looking for?

There is someone far away from here waiting for me. I know.

Perhaps this distance isn’t so far away.

Who are you talking about, Grandma?

I’m talking about a prince who lives right next to us.

Who, Grandma?

The middle Prince of one kingdom.

No Grandma. No.

Why not, my angel? He loves you.

But how He’s so… so… so…

So what?

So weird. When I see him, he seems to be lurking, watching, watching me, as a beast, waiting to attack the prey.

He doesn’t know how to get at you, my dear.

But we’ve talked sometimes and when this happens is so nice, and he doesn’t look like “not knowing how to get at me”.

What do you think about him?

I don’t know. I’ve never thought about him. He's weird and distant.

Couldn’t he be the one you’re so much waiting for? Won’t he be this distant?

I don’t think so, Grandma.

What if you gave some thought about it? Consider the chance.

I don’t want, Grandma. We have nothing to do.

The conversation between them lasted a little longer still, but now they talked about other matters. The princess of the other kingdom even thought of retaking that conversation: why he? why he suddenly? how did she know he cared for her? did they talk? did they use to talk? or was it some agreement between the matriarchs to keep both kingdoms together and I peace?

The matriarch of the other kingdom didn’t speak on that subject any longer and thought it would be better not to insist.

A few years after that conversation, the matriarch of the other kingdom died and it was the turn of the princesses’ parents to take the position left. And everything started to change in the relations of both kingdoms. The families were distant and quiet. Everything was different, agreements and conveniences kept in dusty, forgotten, abandoned safes.

The new matriarch, the princesses’ mother, as well as the father, were arrogant and authoritarian – I believe the saying “be full of oneself” came from them. People put up with them because they took the other kingdom and became receptive and sociable to keep their status and position. Little did they know they were tolerated by the fact that now they were king and queen.

Now the days were no longer colorful, shining, happy anymore. They were black and white because according to the new matriarch, it was more elegant and easier to match; they were dull because only the matriarch could shine, they were lifeless.

The sons of one kingdom and the daughters of the other kingdom grew up. And each one was on his way now. Then the storm came. Nobody expected it, not even the weathermen of both kingdoms could forecast such disturbance it would cause in one kingdom. At first, it was the quiet, almost unseen confusion. Then the storm came and everybody got closed in their kingdoms, and there was no sound from one kingdom at all. And the storm didn’t pass overnight. It was windy days and nights of restlessness.

Nobody knew what was going on in one kingdom. When someone showed up, they looked calm as though nothing serious was happening, as though that storm was a light drizzle. So, one day, the princess received an unexpected visit. It was the middle prince of one kingdom who asked to see her. The princess was by herself and was getting ready for lunch, but she went to meet him

Good afternoon Princess of the other kingdom.

Good afternoon middle Prince of one kingdom. What brings you here?

Are you busy? I don’t mean to bother you.

No, I’m not busy and you don’t bother me, but I’m preparing for lunch. Would you have lunch with me?

I’ve already had lunch, thank you. And that’s why I’m here. I was talking a walk through my kingdom when I realized I was in front of your kingdom and decided to pay you a visit.

What a pity! I’m alone…

No, this visit is for you. I won’t have lunch, but I can keep you company. Eating alone is a bit annoying.

If you don’t mind…

It’s a pleasure.

May I ask you a question?

Whatever you wish.

Are you dating?

Yes, I am. We´re thinking about marriage.

But how?... You were…

I searched for so long for someone, for company, and I guess I’ve found someone now.

Well, I’ve finished my lunch and need to go back to my affairs.

You are different now. Have I said or done anything you didn’t like?

No, everything is ok.

You’re so beautiful, so sweet… If I wasn’t committed…

They said goodbye and she went into her room and felt different as she had never felt before. She loved him! She loved him all this time and didn’t know. But now it was late, he was going to marry. She remembered the conversation with her grandmother. And she was really sure he was the prince she dreamed of, who she hoped so much for. But he would marry and she had to forget him. And she did.

The storm softened almost passed. Heavy clouds still insisted on covering the blue sky and dimming the sunshine, but it wasn’t often. It was this time spring came back and, with it, what she no longer expected: he wouldn’t marry anymore. And it was on a beautiful spring day the middle prince of one kingdom and the princess of the other kingdom met and their story began.