Depression Is Not a Figment of Our Imagination

First of all, this article is pretty sensitive for me. Because here, I will discuss my experience at the hands of depression.

I really know well that you already know a lot about what depression means. But I want you to know that depression based on my experience, is a kind of mental disorder that dramatically affects someone's life course. In my case, depression is just as if I am feeling sad or alone. But my sadness seems to be affecting my daily routine and my daily life. In my experience, I didn't know that I was already depressed. Because actually, it's tough to distinguish if we're depressed or just feeling sad. If you are experiencing depression during these times and you are having a hard time figuring out if you are really depressed or just sad, well, you need to read the following.

List of symptoms of depression based on my own experience:

1. In my experience, I noticed first to myself that I was constantly feeling tired.

Yes, I always felt tired, even though I'm not doing anything. Even if I'll think of something, it seems like it's very tiring to think. You may say I'm just lazy, but believe me or not, it's tiring when you experience depression.

2. Loss of appetite for everything.

When I was still in the hands of depression, this was also one of the symptoms I noticed in myself. As time passes by, I saw that I am no longer the one I used to be.

Back then, when I had never experienced depression, I was the type of person who liked to laugh, wanted to joke, wanted to talk to my friends and relatives. I'm just the happy-go-lucky type of person. But all of that had changed when I became depressed. I lost my appetite for everything, including my urge to go out of the house. I lost the desire to talk to my friends and relatives. I lost the desire to laugh and tell some jokes. I used to be food is life before, but when I was depressed, I hardly ate for a day. I completely lost my appetite for everything, to the point that I also lost my desire to live.

3. I feel like hope will never ever visit me.

This one has the most severe effect on me. I always feel like I don't have any hope anymore. It's as if I have no hope, so maybe it's better that I give up because there's no point in me waiting for some hope that I'm not sure if it will come. Before, I did everything I could to lift myself and be free from the confinement of depression. But I got to the point of losing hope and was tired of hoping that I would be able to get out of the hands of depression.

4. I can't think straight. I did try to think of something, but all I can think about was pure negative.

Back then, while I was studying, I had a hard time focusing on something. One of the symptoms of depression I experienced was that I had difficulty concentrating. Back then, I had a lot of things I couldn't do. I can't do it because my mind can't focus on doing that thing. I had a hard time deciding on something. Even simple decision-making is very complex for me to do. I also can't explain why I can't understand the events happening around me. Maybe because I can't concentrate, that's why I am having a hard time understanding what's going on around me.

5. A depressed person always thinks, "I can't."

During those days, when I was still depressed, the word I always thought of was "I can't." I always have in mind before that I can't do this; I can't do that. In other words, I don't have the confidence to do something because I might fail to do it. A depressed person will never think that he or she is essential, but the opposite. Before, I felt I was useless, I had no value or worthless. Depression is not easy to deal with because your negativity blinds you. You see your flaws more often instead of seeing the good side of yourself, instead of seeing your former self where you never run out of self-confidence. Because of negativity, you will no longer see the real you.

Instead of saying "yes" to every task that someone asked me to do, my answer is always "I'm sorry. I can't do it." There were opportunities for me before, like scholarships at school, but I turned them down because I might fail to maintain my grades. I don't have much confidence in myself; that's how I used to be before. Instead of encouraging myself to stay strong but I'm the one who brought myself down.

Mentioned above are just a few examples of symptoms of depression I have experienced before. The symptoms of depression may vary in every person, but this is just what I encounter in the past.

For you to know, it is not easy to experience depression because you don't know who you can approach. Maybe some of you will say that depression is just a figment of our imagination, but how can you say that if you haven't experienced depression yourself? One of the reasons why we don't want to share our thoughts is because we are afraid of being laugh at. Depression may be just a joke for you, but for us, it is about life and death because a person with depression may lead to suicide.

A normal person thinks differently than a person experiencing depression. Because when a normal person experiences a problem, he/she will immediately disclose it with whoever he trusts. But when a person experiencing depression has a problem, they will choose to keep the problem to themselves. Based on my experience, there are two reasons why some of us who experience depression will keep the issues to ourselves. First, we don't want anyone to know what we are going through because we are afraid of being criticized and blamed for why we ended up like this. Second, we also don't want our loved ones to be affected by the problems we have. And as a result of this, most of us, including me, become even more depressed and decide to commit suicide.

Suppose you have wondered if what was really the cause of my depression. Well, the root cause of my depression is related to the aspect of love. Maybe for you, my reason for being depressed was very shallow, but none of us has an iron heart that can absorb the pain caused by loving someone that is not meant to be for us. Pain is the only word that can describe what I was feeling back then. I thought it would be easy, but I didn't expect that I would end up being depressed. But thankfully because eventually, with the help of the people who surround me, I was finally freed from being in the hands of depression. But before I got rid of my depression, my battle against it was not easy because it took me almost a year to totally and proudly say that I am successfully free from it.

My Final Thoughts

For me, my experience of depression was just a test or challenge in my life. No one wants to experience depression, especially me. I don't want to be depressed, but it's all too late because it's already happened. Based on my experienced, being depressed is just being blindfolded because you'll see nothing but only darkness. It's up to you whether you stay blindfolded or remove it. It's up to you whether you stay crouched in a dark corner or decide to come out to see the light of your life again.