"Good conversations are like a good script: continuous but always changing and charming with novelty and surprise." That's what the author Randolph S. Bourne says.
Indeed, people love beautiful landscapes. Likewise, those who develop the art of conversation enjoy and benefit from it. You like to exchange ideas, opinions and feelings with other people.
"I wish that talking to my acquaintances was always easy and pleasant," you can emphasize. "But not often. What can I do?" Maybe too much.
place and time
At first, don't be discouraged if sometimes your efforts to say something fail. We all have this experience. After all, it's difficult to have a good conversation with someone who answers briefly and doesn't really want to speak. Perhaps you have a very urgent problem in mind.
When it comes to conversation, time and place are important. It is true that it is unnecessary, if not imprudent, to attempt to speak to a chef at any time while smoking in your kitchen. Right now it's urgent that the scorching cauliflower or the flaming steak!
Maybe someone is meditating, reading a book, or adding a long column of numbers. Or a serious problem has arisen and the individual is thinking deeply. How true is the old saying "silence is golden" in these cases!
Prepare for a good conversation
But at social gatherings or informal dinners, you want to have a good conversation. What can you do about it?
Preparations may be needed in advance, especially if you are the host. You can think about current events and topics that are of interest to the company. Think about the trades and activities of the guests at the meeting. If necessary, do your research. So you should be able to say something about the gifts, your job, your hobbies, or your interests.
Don't feel like you have nothing to say in spontaneous conversations. In fact, you've been preparing for your next interview a long time ago. What do you mean? Well, you got knowledge through education and life experience. Plus, you've probably read a bit. You may have achieved points in your personal scripture study. See, there is something worth talking about. At the right time and in the right place, you can make a huge contribution to a good conversation.
Plan a few thoughts in advance. In general, decide what to say on a particular topic. Some details may not be required. However, you may need to provide who, what, why, when, where and how, especially if you want to report an accident.
Promote good conversations
Questions can be very helpful in having a good conversation. Robert Louis Stevenson once said, “You start a question and it's like starting a rock from the top of a hill. The stone goes away and grabs the others. In comparison, a thoughtful question can provide quick answers and create the conditions for pleasant conversations.
So why not use election questions to start or continue a conversation? No, he's not a curious and personal type. (Why did you and Mrs. Smith split after twenty years of marriage?) It's not the kind of IQ test. (What were the Seven Wonders of the World?) Questions like these would probably have made most guests wish they were elsewhere.
On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with looking for topics that require opinion, as long as they are not intentionally controversial. The first questions can relate to current events or problems. (How do you think you can provide food to millions of hungry people on earth?) Even a hypothetical question may not be offensive. (When do you want to live more than anyone else?) But don't overdo it. And of course the conversation will be much more peaceful if we are polite and don't interrupt when questions are answered.
Pleasant experiences can generate feelings and interest in conversation. So think about the things that happened to you or the activities that you shared. These experiences are worth mentioning. Sure, a detailed report of a recent hospital stay or surgery may have been made, but is that encouraging to listeners? It is much better to choose experiences that you enjoy!
When sharing experiences, your listeners will appreciate that you eliminate unnecessary details. This clarifies the story and saves you from the mental strain that would otherwise be required to clarify the facts. Another point: why always be the hero or heroine in the story? Take a bigger look and reveal the role that other people may have played.
Keep it worthwhile, uplifting
They know that even the most beautiful landscape can become less attractive when the air is full of pollutants. By comparison, a good conversation can be unpleasant or even stressful if it is not kept at a high level. The atmosphere or mood must be good for a conversation to be interesting and useful. Therefore, it is important that it is kept dignified and uplifting.
However, a dignified conversation does not require very long words or healthy language. Obviously there is something to be said about building vocabulary. However, a friendly conversation is not the time to show up for the big movies.
When asked about the accommodation, a diplomat once replied: "We are in the ambassador's residence, which is obviously due to certain inconveniences arising from the need for renovation and rehabilitation elements." What was that? One author explained the essence by saying, "We're renovating, so the house is a little messy." Talking to yourself is definitely preferable and most people appreciate it.
Risky stories and dirty language are certainly not in place among those who respect themselves and consider others. Appropriately, the Bible recommends: "Do not let a slothful word slip out of your mouth, but a proverb is good to increase as needed, so that it conveys what is favorable to your listeners." - Eph. 4:29.
But what if a guest tells obscene jokes and uses bad language? Others may try to change the subject. If these efforts fail, the host can call the person away and tell them that their speech is difficult. A difficult move? Not really. If the box is not checked, the author may ruin the opportunity for everyone present.
During a conversation, you can make some comments about people. These statements can be constructive and completely harmless. But what happens if the conversation gets worse and turns into malicious slander? Are you going to listen to this conversation? You can hardly do this if you do not want to be classified as a participant. Do you as a host dare to take the conversation up? Without a doubt, the rest of those present will appreciate it.
Add pleasure
Pleasant conversations can be improved in a number of ways. Anyone who speaks to us can, for example, make their face "speak" in a comfortable way. For example? With a smile, if applicable.
Those who have developed the art of conversation also contribute to our joy by speaking clearly. He also has empathy. He takes our place and avoids saying things that would cause us unnecessary pain or embarrassment. Nor does such a person speak to us as if we were mentally far below them.
You have probably noticed that some people are only interested in talking about themselves. If the conversation touches on your experiences, opinions or problems for a moment, the person will quickly take you back to what interests you, what is their opinion, how was their day? Obviously, the good conversation partner is not self-centered. By the way, avoid talking too much ...
Anyone who has developed the art of conversation well also helps make us like speaking clearly. In addition, he has empathy. He puts himself in our shoes and avoids saying things that cause unnecessary pain or embarrassment. This individual also never speaks to us as if we were mentally far below him.
You have probably noticed that some people are only interested in themselves. If the conversation temporarily touches on your experiences, opinions, or problems, that person will quickly change what interests you, your mind about how your day went. However, it is obvious that the good speaker is not self-centered. Avoid talking too much.
The need to listen
Yes, the right speaker gives the other person the opportunity to speak. They know that having a good conversation is a "one-way street". Its essential elements are speaking and listening.
By showing empathy, the good listener tries to understand the speaker's point of view and maybe even imagine his situation. However, since the mind thinks much faster than a person can speak, it is time to analyze what is being said and draw conclusions. Give it a try in your next conversation.
Also, ask questions and show a real interest in the answers. Look at the person who is talking to you. Of course you don't want to see it. However, avoid staring at an object in the room or constantly looking from place to place, as the speaker may conclude that you are not sincere or not interested. Of course, give him your full attention. How much can we learn when we really listen to others!
People who develop the art of conversation will find that "speaking well is a good move". Both can leave delicious impressions in the mind. Often times, when you make an effort to start a conversation with other people, you will find that it is full of news, surprises, fun, and lasting benefits.
