The lingering thoughts of you, the familiar scent in every corner, an unpleasant sight, I’m lost.
It’s been a year since I start to visit this place almost every day. My mind seems to forget how to live my life the way I used to, and whenever I came here, it releases all those thoughts of ending my life. This place became my safe haven. I still remember the accident 2 years ago that took my right arm away from me. I still remember the guilt, the sadness, and the pain. I’ve been telling myself, what’s the point of breathing? Those people whom I cherished are gone, forever. I don’t know, I have no idea why do I keep on clinging on this messy and painful life.
“Papa, how are you?”
I turned my gaze at my back where the voice came from; I can’t see the person who’s talking because of the tombs that surround this place.
“I got rejected again. Well, I’m fine with it. Maybe it’s not yet my time, I promise I’ll practice and work hard more don’t worry about me. I’ll get by and survive although I’m alone now.”
(Flute plays Amazing Grace)
As soon as I heard the song played in flute, a cold breeze passed by. I forgot how a song will sound beautifully. It feels like this is the first time I heard sweet and calming rhythm, all those years, everything was dull and lifeless.
“This is your favorite Papa. I always remember you sing this to me to make me fall asleep. After you leave forever, I can’t fall asleep and I have to play this, but then all I did was cry. I really miss you”
I just listen to her stories without taking a look. I wonder when did her father passed away. She keeps on talking for about two hours then said her goodbye and a promise that she’ll be back.
We’re sharing the same agony.
The difference is, she still have a reason to carry on. Will I ever find mine to?
I lay down and looked up the blue sky.
“Shane, why didn’t you take me with you?”
I started another story again. I'm just looking outside and found myself encoding on my laptop and tadah the first chapter😂 hope I'll finish this story despite the tight schedule because of ending semester.
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