I fear the essence of being a Woman

At the 1994 Miss Universe pageant, Sushmita Sen of India was asked: “What is the essence of being a woman?”

Her reply was: “Just being a woman is God’s gift that all of us must appreciate. The origin of a child is a mother, and is a woman. She shows a man what sharing, caring, and loving is all about. That is the essence of a woman.”

https://www.globalcitizen.org/en/content/beauty-pageants-empowering-quotes-gender/

Carrying a child in one's womb is indeed a gift from God that only a woman can do. The ability to sustain life inside you and take care of someone that will complete you is such a blessing that comes with great responsibility.

I know some of you are now a mother who have their own family. Cute little children, or maybe some of them are already grown up. Some maybe a career woman and haven't think about settling down. Also, many are still a student who are focused on maturing and self growth. Whatever the case, we are all woman who have our own belief of our essence. Being a mother is such an unexplainable feeling. A mix emotions of happiness, excitement, fear, doubts, and a lot more. Nevertheless, I believe that every woman who becomes a mother is stronger that anyone else. It's not easy to be someone who should guide little feet until they can walk on their own. It's not easy to sacrifice everything.

The essence of being a woman is to carry a child in their womb. To be a mother who will love her child unconditionally, and I honestly fear this "essence".

At a young age, I always thought that moms are amazing and I want to become one someday. Reaching teenage years, I still find mothers as superwoman and I want to have a child even though I don't have a husband. I told myself I can adopt children and be their mom, one of my dream is to be able to build and manage an orphanage. I just love kids so much. However, being a young lady made me realize some things I haven't thought before. I was 12 when my sister had her 1st baby. I learned to change diapers (lampin pa nga eh) and prepare her milk, and even carry her until she fall asleep. As I was growing older, I think I am already informed of the basics of raising a child so I believe that when I reached the right age, I'm prepared to have my own kids. This thought actually changed when I reached maybe at the age of 19 until now that I'm in my early 20's. As children tend to grow older, they are now starting to make their decision and shape their character. No more changing of diapers and I thought hence less struggle to take care of them. But I was wrong. When a child no longer greatly depends on you for their basic needs (changing clothes, eating foods, entertaining themselves) it's much more crucial because their needs are not more on physical but rather emotional. This is the time they need so much guidance in terms of their characters, attitude, thoughts and perceptions. You, as a mom should carefully explain and teach them various things in a way they can understand. More patience is needed and wide understanding. Shifting from doing all the stuffs for them to letting them do things for themselves on their own without sacrificing their safety and character at the same time, requires a lot of thinking and strategizing most especially when you're still a new mom. The challenge gets more and more difficult.

Watching my niece grow up from being a baby and slowly being a big girl gave me a lot of realization. I fear of becoming a mom. A lot of questions and what ifs popped in my head that creates illusion called fear. I realized that, it's not all about material things you should provide. It's not all about showing your love and care but the fact that you should know how you'll show it to them. I thought, "what if I can't guide him or her well?", a lot of scenarios flashed before my eyes of me not being able to be emotionally prepared for anything a mom can possibly encounter. Having a nephew who was born with weak heart made me think if I can be as strong as my sister if I am on her shoes. Them growing up with such an attitude of being a hard headed child makes me doubt my ability to discipline.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid to fail shaping a child into a good human or less evil or just the way I was raised.

I'm doubting myself which indeed you may think of being weak. But I can't afford to sacrifice someone's future just because of the thought of having an "essence" as a woman. I don't want to be selfish.

I respect all the woman in the world who have a strong desire to be a mom. Also, I respect those who don't want to have a child. I am not saying that my decision not to have a child is final and irrevocable, but for now that's what I think. I know that being a mom gives you a sense of fulfillment but those woman who decided not be called as mom will also find self fulfillment in the most unexpected and amazing way possible.

One thing surely didn't change in my belief. The fact that moms are amazing, strong, and superwoman.

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Note: deciding not to have a child from the start and deciding not to have them AFTER doing such thing to make one, are two different things.

~thanks for stopping by😊❤️