Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”

“God is at home, it’s we who have gone out for a walk.”

“My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”

“A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.”

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

“My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.