When A Woman Finally See Her Worth

"I'm sorry but I still can't give you a baby, love."

After hearing those words from Vivean, all my excitement to become a father had died down. Bagsak ang mga balikat niya habang hawak-hawak ang pregnancy test kit nang siya'y lumabas ng cr.

My wife had a polycystic ovary syndrome few years ago and it's a severe disease to the point that she had to undergone surgeries just to remove the cyst in her ovary. The operation was successful but the doctor had told us that one of the side effects would be a very low chance of her getting pregnant.

But despite of everything, hindi pa rin kami napanghinaan ng loob na magkaanak. Vivean and I took that low chance as our last thread of hope. Afterall, low chance is still having a chance.

But as time passed by, I questioned myself, hanggang kailan ako aasa na magkakaanak pa kami?

For two years of getting married with her, everything was in bliss. Vivean is a loving wife. She do her wifely duties right, she's kind and a sweet woman. Yes, we are happy. But something is really lacking in our house. And I thought loving her would suffice but I was wrong. Because as time passed by, I suddenly realized that I need a child, a baby that would care us when we get old.

Because of the devastating news, it affected our marriage life and as individuals. Vivean's cheerful and bubbly personality slowly faded. Minsan ay hindi niya na ako inaasikaso dahil nagmumukmok na lang siya sa kwarto niya while blaming herself for ruining my dream to have a baby. And it affected me as well. That's why whenever my work is done, I passed by to some nearby bars and drowned myself from alcohol to at least escape from the pain that I am feeling.

I was too lost and broke to the extent that I did something that could hurt my wife.

Yes, I cheated. Hinanap ko sa iba ang pagkukulang ng asawa ko. And that's when I met Jamaica. We had a secret affair for three months and she filled the gaping hole in my heart. She became my safe haven and my temporary shelter.

"Babe, baka makita tayo ng asawa mo," aligagang sabi ni Jamaica nang makapasok kami sa bakanteng kwarto ng aming bahay.

"Vivean is soundly sleeping on our room, babe. Trust me, she won't notice it."

I gave Jamaica a reassuring smile that she should not worry as I slowly placed her on the purple soft bed. Nang kumalma siya ay nagsimula na kaming magparaos. The feeling was so addicting and satisfying.

Damn, I never thought that a temporary shelter could be my home. Napamahal na ako kay Jamaica. Makaraan ang ilang linggo ay mas lalo pa akong napalapit kay Jamaica.

"Aalis ka na naman ba?" Hinilia ako sa reyalidad nang marinig ang boses ni Vivean. Her eyes were bloodshot and the dark cicle under her eyes is evident.

"Yes, love. May urgent meeting kami eh."

"And that includes removing your wedding ring?" she coldly asked again as her eyes trailed on my finger.

Bigla akong napalunok. Damn, I never thought that she would seen it.

"Alam mo ba ang ibig sabihin ng pagtanggal ng singsing, James? It means you are also removing me in your life," she whispered.

That sent a little squeeze in my heart. Bigla akong kinakapos ng hininga.

"I'm sorry love, pero kasi ang sikip na ng singsing kaya tinatanggal ko minsan," pagdadahilan ko but that truth was, ayoko lang na masaktan si Jamaica. She knew that I am a married man and everytime she saw the ring, it reminds her that she's just a mistress and I am not truly hers to keep kaya sinabihan niya akong huwag ko itong suotin 'pag nakikipagkita ako sa kaniya. And I obeyed her.

May duda pa ring napatingin sa akin si Vivean hanggang sa nakita ko ang unti-unti niyang pagtango, believing and buying my lies.

But little did she knows, I am having an appointment with my new girl.

Hindi ko na namalayan ang oras at siyam na buwan ko na pa lang niloloko ang asawa ko kasama si Jamaica. Ang babaeng mali na pilit kong tinatama.

Hanggang sa nagbunga ang aming pagmamahalan. It may sound selfish to others, but I became happy when I received the news from Jamaica. Because finally, I will now become a father.

Nang makauwi ako ng bahay ay nagulat ako nang makita ang loob. The area was filled with balloons and rose petals scattered on the marbled floor.

And there she was, my wife who is alone on a small table.

"W-What is this?" panimula ko habang lumalapit sa kaniya.

Napaangat ng tingin sa akin si Vivean at nang magtama ang aming mga mata ay nagpakawala siya ng matamis na ngiti.

"Idinadaos ko lang ang mga laban na tahimik kong pinanalo, James. Because finally? I am now seeing my worth. I just realized that I don't deserve to be a left-over..." she trailed off as tears escaped from her eyes.

Did she knows everything?

"Yes, James. I knew since then that you are cheating on me. I saw you both on our vacant room while making out. Yes, masakit yung hinanap mo sa iba ang pagkukulang ko pero alam mo kung anong mas masakit pa doon? Yun ay asawa mo ako pero pakiramdam ko, ako 'yung kabit na dapat itago," sambit niya at tuluyan na siyang napaluha.

My mouth shut tightly, barely able to speak because of what I did to her. Before she bid her goodbye, she dropped her final words that made my heart sank.

"Congrats for being a father, James. Don't worry, I don't want to make this hard for you because I already filed an annulment and signature mo na lang ang kulang doon.I just hope that someday, when we unexpectedly meet again, you'll be proud of me because I let you go. The plans and dreams that we once had, don't worry, you may fulfill all of those with her."

And finally, the tears that I suppressed for too long are now falling. Sobrang sikip na ng dibdib ko sa huling sinabi niya.

We got annulled and I lived in the same roof with Jamaica. Sadly, she miscarried our baby. Baka ito ang karma naming dalawa dahil sa ginawa namin kay Vivean. Hiniwalayan ako ni Jamaica dahil sa mga nangyari and she then admitted that she's just infatuated with me.

So at the end, I was left with nothing and with no one to lean on. It seems like the world had turn its back at me.

And for almost three years, aksidente kaming nagkita ni Vivean sa isang mall. I didn't see any traces of regret in her eyes when she saw me, in fact, she's so happy.

"How's your life, James?" she sweetly asked.

Di ako nakapagsalita agad. Ramdam ko ang pagsikip ng dibdib ko na para akong natalo sa isang laban.

"I still love you, Vivean..." is all the words I managed.

And suddenly, two kids clung in her arms. Kinarga niya ang mga bata at ang isa ay kamukhang-kamukha ko.

Biglang bumilis ang pintig ng puso ko. Pakiramdam ko'y mawawalan ako ng hininga anumang oras.

Vivean sweetly smiled at me and the next words she said made me cried— and regret everything.

"I'm sorry James but I'm now happy with my new family. And I'm sorry if I hide you this. I just want to let you know that one of these kids is yours. Our miracle baby, James. No'ng naabutan mo ang bahay nating may mga balloons, sasabihin ko sanang magkakaanak tayo no'n but suddenly, Jamaica told me that you impregnated her so I gave way. Don't worry, hindi ko ipagkakait sa 'yo ang anak mo. But you can't take our son that easily."

She was about to continue her words when her husband came and told them to go.

And the moment she turned her back, I cried. I cried a lot as the sense of guilt and regret crawled in my system.

Fuck, maybe this is my karma for cheating the girl who loved me so much.