I am not used to this. I enjoy being with friends, with companionships. I like being with the crowd, enjoying the whole time with other people. Those were my happy place, my comfort.
And then this pandemic strike. I was blown away from the circle of a lot of people to isolation. Quarantine happened, we were kept at our own houses for safety. At first, for me it was a jail. And I am dying to go outside. But then, one day I wake up. Smiling, being happy and enjoying my own company. This supposed to be a jail of mine made me realize something. That all throughout I was seeking for happiness and comfort from other people. That I think they’re the only who can provide me of what I lack of. Not realizing I can find peace within myself. Not realizing I can do anything just by being alone.
Before, I thought I can’t do it, but then I realized I can. It made me stronger, it made me do things that I think I have no capability of. And as ellen burtysn says, “What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.” I think I can finally agree to that too.
Now that I have experienced to be alone, I realized that I actually love being alone or should I say - I’d rather be alone than be with people who make me feel alone, and I felt more free the more I spent with myself, as If I had nothing to restrain and i can enjoy anything without the fear of being judged. I realize that the only person I really need to impress is myself. My own approval is all that matters. I no longer feel the need to please others and gain their praise; how I feel about myself is enough.
I finally understand that being alone is not equivalent to loneliness. Being alone comforts me and allows me to reflect on the things I did. To all the decisions I am regretting and all the things I am grateful for. Being alone makes me feel at ease. And when I'm alone, I just let my emotions flow and come out.