It is impossible to define who I am without considering my role as a student. My entire life has been focused on school and my schoolwork. I have always been told that I am smart and that I excel in school. I remember being in advanced reading groups, and joining advanced classes and groups, such as TAG. Considering I am only 19,my whole life hasn't been very long, but it has been long enough to be known as "The one who is in school". School has mostly been easy for me, that is until the year 2020.

There isn't a day where I wake up, and I don't feel the pressure of being "the one who is in school" I feel a pressure to always be great and to always be better than everyone around me. I am so scared of disappointing something that I am terrified of failure and what comes with it. The life of a student consist of very little conversation. All we hear is, "how is school going?" Or "What are your plans for school?" If I had a nickel for every time I told someone, "I plan on going to Ateneo De Manila University to study business management," then I would be able to AFFORD Ateneo De Manila University without any loans or grants. I am excelling at work, I am in a loving and healthy relationship, I am attending my dream school, and I have a large family who loves and cares about me. I have so many great things in my life but all anyone wants to focus on is my schooling.

My entire life has been lived by a deadline. Everything is due this day or that day. My generation is conditioned to eat our lunch in less than 10 minutes because that's all we had. We continue to rush everywhere because we only had four minutes to get across the school. I have been in the mindset that school is everything for my whole life. My friends ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, "work and homework". My friends ask what I'm doing next week, "work and homework". I can't ever do anything on a whim without feeling guilty that I'm not doing homework. If I'm not 100% focused on school, I feel like I am wasting my time and my money, I need to try harder. I can't imagine how actual adults live their life knowing they don't have to constantly worry about homework or the time of their next class and whether it's in person or on zoom. This year, students are struggling more than ever. We are confused. We are tired. We are overwhelmed.

In the spring of 2020,the worldwide pandemic known as Coronavirus began to wreak havoc on life as the world knew it. Students around the globe praised the idea if having two extra weeks of spring break, I was one of these students. I thought I could use the extra time to decompress and enjoy more time with my friends or working. Shortly after that announcement came another one: no school for the remainder of the month. Students then began to have their hopes dwindle little by little. I was one of these students. My entire life I had gone to school seven hours a day, five days a week. I haven't known anything else then the final announcement: No more school for the remainder of the year. The heart of students were finally pulverized into dust. I physically felt my heart stop. Before I knew it, tears were flowing down my face. No one understood how draining it was to have my entire life flipped upside down. Everything I have ever known was gone.

My senior year started off the best way possible. I was full of hope and optimism. But as we all know now, that would soon change. At first the entire school was abuzz with the possible extension of spring break. We all wanted to take the chance to recharge and come back just in time for prom and all the festivities of the end of senior year. As my friends as I received the final announcement, we felt our hearts break. Everything we had been looking forward to got ripped away with no chance of coming back. My senior prom, saying goodbye to my underclassman, friends and the final walk through the school. Then, the realization hit that we may not even have a graduation. The feeling of inevitable doom raked through our bodies. It felt like we had our spines ripped straight from our backs. It felt like everything I had just worked for was thrown out of the window. I had worked life for this moment, and I didn't even know if it was going to happen, maybe I wouldn't have tried so hard in order to soften the blow.

As news began to spread about how others were handling graduation during the covid 19 crisis, the hopes of my grade continued to spiral. I am grateful my principal communicated with us 100% of the way and was insistent we were to have a graduation sooner rather than later. I was able to have a traditional, if that's what you can call it, ceremony in the parking lot of the high school. The pride I felt as I walked across the stage, I have never felt before. I felt accomplished. All. My hard work finally paid off. Even through one of the worsts pandemics Philippines has seen, I still did it. We still did it.

This year, I have had to face more

challenges as a student than ever. I must learn how to navigate an entire new college lifestyle while also having to learn the COVID College lifestyle on top of that. I am striving every day just to make sure I don't miss an assignment in a secret folder online. I am learning how to use multiple different video chat services just to accommodate with the teachers preferences. Not only am I hurting, but the teachers are as well. Older teachers don't know how to expand a youtube video, let alone run three different platforms to provide for students the best possible results. This year is the year of challenges, new beginnings, and learning.

Between learning how to be an adult, a college student, and an active member in society, I am surprised I can keep everything straight. I remember always having back to school dreams in mid-august. This year, I have nightmares about missing my zoom class or my internet cutting out at just the right time. Just the other morning, I woke up at 9:45 and started panicking because I thought I missed one of my two in person classes. Having to remember what days online, which days are not are the bane of my existence at this point.

In my 15 years of schooling, I have never gotten a grade lower than a B. I have been on honor roll every year. When I received my final transcript, a massive, fat, glaring C+ was staring right back at me. I was thought it would crush me. Instead, I thought, "hey, c's get degrees, am I right?" The weight of the world felt far heavier than a puny C+ on a grade report. If I had known this would have been my attitude, I wouldn't have believed it in a million years. When people tell me, ''I got a D on my exam!" And I can hear the excitement in their voice, my heart aches for them. If I had gotten a D on anything, I would obsess over it until it was to the point I couldn't stress anymore. I never understood the compliance with such a grade. Until the pandemic hit. I was relieved that I didn't fail. Even if I did, nothing hurt as much as navigating success as a student through the pandemic. The changing times made me realize that a single grade isn't as important as surviving the pandemic. I have learned to let the little things go, and to focus on things that are more important.

Being a student is hard. Being a student in a national crisis is even harder. I understand that I will never walk into a room without being asked, "how is school going?" I understand that I will have to force myself out of the habit of deadlines and time restraints. I understand that I am most noticeably known as "the one one who is in school". I, also, understand that I am now known as the one who is in school during a pandemic.

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